With Doubt Comes Stronger Faith
by The Notorious Cat
Summary: All the flirting the Nick and Sara have been doing over the years seems to be coming to a head, and things seem to be changing for the good. But when Nick gets a devastating phone call, can Sara conquer her own demons to support her best friend? COMPLETE!
1. Teasing

Author's Two Cents –

This is a little break from the Rascal Flatts Series, but don't worry, I haven't stopped them either.

Sort of Post-ep "Butterflied"

Okay. I am no religious writer, but this story is based on a scripture I found. I don't want anyone freaking about the fact that this story is religious genre.

Let's just say sometimes, religion class does have an effect on you.

Okay, here's the passage.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**The Narrow Gate **

"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few."

Matthew 7:13-14

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**The Story**

I shove the morgue doors open, letting them swing widely as I stride quickly through them. I can never go through another case like this.

That girl looks just like Sara!

A dead girl on a morgue slab looks just like Sara, and I can't deal with it. I don't even know why it's hitting me this hard, but it is. And I hate it. I need to find Sara. I need to see her right now, to make sure the real Sara Sidle is still alive and kicking as hard as she always is.

I round the corner straight for the break room, hoping she's in there. I hear a womanly laugh, and just as my hope rises in my throat, it dies. It's only Catherine, flirting with Warrick as usual.

I smile in spite of myself. Flirting, as usual.

Racking my brain for anywhere else she might be, I check the locker room. Nope. Great. Do you know how many rooms I have left?

Just as my hopes are dying down, there she is, sitting alone studying a piece of evidence from a case. I smile as I watch her through the window, as her brow furrows in concentration. In frustration, she looks up, shaking her head with a scowl. Then she spots me in the window…

…and stops. She grins widely at me, and I offer her a weak smile. She reads through my sadness, and her head motions for me to come in.

"Hey, you alright?" she asks, putting a hand on my side from where she sits. I put a hand on her back, rubbing it in a circular motion.

"Umm…yeah, a case just hitting a little too close to home." I respond. She looks up at me and our eyes connect.

"I'm sorry. I know it sucks when that happens." She offers, and I nod.

"What have you got here?" I change the subject. She smiles, understanding I'm done, and turns back to the table. Her arm leaves my side, and I halt my hand on her back, but I don't take it away.

"Well, to state the obvious, it's a piece of cloth. But, you wanna know the dirty part?" she turns, shooting a sly grin my way.

"Sure. Try me."

"Okay. On one side, there is presence of vaginal fluid." She says, and I roll my eyes.

"C'mon Sar –" I start but she slaps me lightly on the chest.

"Ah ah ah… who said I was done?" she boasts. I give a sigh and smile, wondering how much she is really enjoying this.

"Ha ha ha, okay, continue." I say.

"Gladly. On the opposite side of this piece of cloth, I found seminal fluid." This shot my eyebrows skyrocketing, and she gave a little tilt of her head and her eyebrows a quick raise, in a way that only Sara could.

"Makeshift condom?" I ask, the grin still on my face and my eyebrows still raised.

"Or extra pleasure." She adds. I chuckle.

"Kinky…" I drawl suggestively, bringing my hands to her shoulders and giving them a quick squeeze. She laughs and blushes.

"Oh, and tell me you've never done something like this before Nicky." She turns back to the table and rolls her eyes, trying desperately to diffuse the color of her cheeks. I grin, and, my hands still on her shoulders, I lean over until my mouth is right next to her ear.

"You'd be the first." I whisper. She breathes in deeply and sharply, and I grip her shoulders. She turns around, looking me straight in the eye.

"Nick!" she exclaims, lashing out at me. I jump back, laughing at her miss. She stands up in defiance, facing me with her arms crossed.

"I bet that's what you say to get all your women in bed!" she throws out as a comeback. My smile droops, and I look away. I know she meant that playfully, but it hurts that she thinks that of me. I hate my reputation, and I hate what effect it has on what my colleagues think.

"Nick…I…" Sara stepped close to me, and I felt her hand brush mine. I met her eyes, and they were full of sorrow and hurt.

"Oh Nick, I'm so sorry…I don't know what came over me…we were just playing around and…I really didn't mean it at all…" she's on the verge of tears, and I feel sorry that I put her there.

"I know you didn't. It just…it just sucks that you and everyone else think I'm this pimp or something." I say, really hurt that what I had feared all along was true; everyone thought I was this slut magnet.

"You aren't that kind of person. Everyone knows it. We all just like teasing. I get teased about overtime, Grissom gets teased about his bugs, and you get teased about…that."

I smile. Sara never really wears her heart on her sleeve, but when she does, it's powerful.

"Is that true?" I ask, not completely sure if it was the truth, or if she was making this story up to cover her mistake.

She nods vigorously.

"Every word Nick."

I look away, chuckling at her. When I meet her gaze again, she looks anxious, so I smile. She catches on, and smiles back at me, a wide gap tooth grin.

"Thanks Sara."

She nods again, wiping her eyes and laughing.

"Hey…it's okay…no need to get upset." My brow furrows, and I dip down to see her face. I put a hand on her arm, rubbing it gently.

"Sorry, I just uh, you know, didn't want you mad at me or anything." She says, still avoiding my eyes. I lift her chin with my other hand, and our eyes unite.

"I could never get mad at a pretty face like yours." I say, just to make her blush.

It works.

"Okay…making me embarrassed is definitely not nice…" she says. I move my hand from her chin to curl her hair gently behind her ear. Sara bit her lip, and I could tell she was really nervous.

I pulled her into a warm embrace. My arms slipped easily around her slender frame and she slung her arms around my neck. Her head was turned in towards my neck, and I could feel her breath against it. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the feel of her in my arms.

"We're good, right?" she asked, and I knew she must still feel a little vulnerable. I gave her sides a quick squeeze as I answered.

"Yeah. We're great." I answered. She took a deep breath, and I felt her grip on my neck get a little tighter.

"I'm glad."

A smile overtook my face, and an all out beam spread across it as Sara allowed me to keep hold of her. I relished in the fact that we could be like this. I savored that right now, I could pretend she was mine.

Whoa!

Mine?

This is Sara. Not some girl.

Sara.

Best friend Sara.

Oh man?? I thought…I was supposed to have let this "me and and Sara together thing" go. Damn.

I do know one thing for sure though.

She's giving me enough to have satisfied dreams for two weeks.

I hear a knock at the door. Sara and I turn our heads, and meet Warrick's gaze.

"Hey…uh, sorry but Nick? Call on line two for you man." He gives us a sad smile and a little wave before leaving.

I sigh. Sara looks at me, and I beam at her.

"I gotta take this." I motion with my head toward the door. She grins, and steps out of my arms.

"Go right ahead." She says.

"I'll catch you later okay?" I inquire hopefully. She nods enthusiastically and laughs out loud.

"Yes Nick, we work together. Now go!" she laughs, pushing me.

Once out in the hallway and out of Sara's sight, I stop, thinking over what just happened. I smile to myself, shaking my head and taking off down the hallway.

Warrick is waiting for me by the phone. His hand is over the microphone, and he's looking at me strangely.

He must of seen my smile.

"What's going on with you and-" he starts, but I shake my head and put a hand in front of his face to quiet him. I take the receiver from his hand; he just rolls his eyes at me.

"Hello?"


	2. A Little Too Close To Home

- Sara's Point Of View -

As I watch Nick leave the room to answer a phone call, I sigh.

He is so damn cute! I'm smiling like a sixteen year old. Damn! I know I should try to stop, but I also know from past experiences that the more I try to stop a smile that Nick put on my face, the larger it grows.

The only remedy? Work.

I sit down and look once again at the piece of evidence in front of me. Nick keeps piercing through my mind, so I wonder how much I'll actually get done…Okay, so, we have a piece of cloth, possibly used as a last minute condom. Or, as Nick puts it, extra pleasure. But, I could have been used as a rape tool, possibly to harm the victim. I should have thought of that earlier…but Nick interrupted me.

I feel a smile grow on my face.

Nick.

OKAY! Okay! I'm going to find Nick. I need to be around him. He always makes me so happy.

But, what excuse to use when I find him?

Ah ha! I'll ask if his phone call was from his latest squeeze. I love it when we get in tease fights.

I stand up, exit the room, and take off my latex gloves. I walk briskly down the hallway, but stop suddenly when a full view of Nick's back penetrated through one doorway. He's still on the phone. The good half of me doesn't want to interrupt, and the bad half of me wants to eavesdrop. So I compensate.

I stand outside, not interrupting, but I can hear every word.

"Oh God…"

"How's everyone taking it?"

"Is she holding up?"

"I guess I better come down there. My boss'll be sure to let me off, with such a big thing going on."

"This is such a shock."

"Okay, I'll call you when I know more about when I'll be there."

"By babe. I love ya. See you later."

And with that, Nick hung up with a sigh.

I can't believe him.

He has a girlfriend.

And I didn't know.

So all this flirting between us means nothing to him?

I let out a soft breath, and it makes a gentle 'oh' sound. Nick whips around.

"Sara…umm hi."

Yeah. He has a girlfriend. And he didn't want me to know. Why else would he act so nervous?

"Who was that Nick." I don't even ask. I state it. I demand it.

"Sara…you don't understand…" he pleads, but I don't give him the satisfaction of letting him see me relent.

"No. No, I think I understand quite clearly." I retort, trying to keep the hurt from my voice.

"No. Sara. You do not understand. That was my sister." He says, reaching for my arm. Relief washes over me.

"One of my other sisters was in a car crash." He says. My jaw drops, and this immense feeling of sympathy washes over me.

"Nick…I'm so sorry…" I say, stepping forward as he pulled me into a hug.

"Me too…" he says. I rub his back gently, and he breathes in and out.

"Is she okay?" I ask into his shoulder. He nods, and releases me.

"Yeah, by the time I get down there, she should be able to sit up and talk and everything. No permanent stuff or anything, you know, no brain or muscle damage."

Whoa whoa whoa. He's thinking he can make it down there alone?

"Nick! You can't go down alone! All the way to Texas and back? C'mon, going through that is stressful, I know it is." He smiles at weakly at my concern, but I continue.

"Let me go with you."

He looks up at me with a look that is supposed to tell me I'm not thinking clearly.

"Sara…come on now, you're not making this any easier…" he starts.

"No Nick. I'm serious. Let me be the person that…I don't know, figures out where we are. Or finds a place for dinner. Or a hotel. Now, tell me you couldn't use my help."

"Now, I didn't say that…" he tries to convince me to stop.

"Nick." I say, lacing one hand with his, "You are my best friend. And you are in need. Let me help."

He takes a deep breath, and looks away. I give him a second to think, and give his hand a little squeeze. He looks back at me, and I bite my lip. At this, he laughs and pulls me towards the door.

"C'mon, let's see what Grissom has to say…" he says with a smile. I jump in excitement and follow him, releasing his hand.

"Thanks Nick."

"Thank you Sara."

We share a warm smile, and I push him playfully away from me. He pushes back a little, and we continue like that until we reach Grissom's office. We almost pass it, but I stop him and lead him inside.

"Grissom?" I call, and he looks over at me from the rim of his paper.

"Hey guys, what can you tell me?" he asks, apparently expecting some new break in the case. I glance at Nick, and he shakes his head, signaling me to answer. I take a breath and look back to Grissom.

"Two things. Nick is going to Texas, and I am going with him." I say simply.

Grissom does not respond immediately. He looks at me, then at Nick, then from me to Nick. Apparently, Nick does not think this is a good thing.

"Oh, come on Gris…it's not like Sara and I don't have enough overtime…and I really need someone to go with me…" he pleads. Grissom frowns.

"I am fully aware of how much overtime both you and Sara have put in, and I haven't said no. Can you specify the reason?" he asks. Nick throws me a glance; I send him a sympathetic smile.

"My sister was in a car crash. I'm going down there to see her, and I really just need someone around to help with stuff. Sara volunteered." He asked, getting anxious.

I looked at Grissom. He looked at Nick. Nick looked at me.

"Okay. Go ahead." Grissom said.

What?

Yes?

He said YES?

"Excuse me?" I ask in disbelief, "We can go?"

Grissom smiles at me.

"Yeah. I'll get someone from days to cover."

I look at Nick, and he looks at me. I want to just scream out of joy and jump in his arms. He smiles at me and shakes his head as if to say that I'm crazy.

"Thanks Gris." He says, and Grissom nods his head solemnly.

I let out a squeak, send a smile to Grissom, motion towards the door to Nick, and we head out.

Once outside, and away from Grissom's hearing range, I turn and look at Nick.

"I'm so excited! I haven't been anywhere in what seems like forever…And I'm glad I'm going with you. I would have been worried sick." I say truthfully. He smiles, and caresses the side of my arm.

"I'm glad you are coming with me." He says. I smile and feel my cheeks get warm.

Okay. I'm officially blushing.

DAMN!!!

"I'm going to go home now. I have to look up flights. I'll call you when I find something, deal?" He asks curling hair behind my ear. I nod, and he squeezes my arm.

"Bye then." he says, looking into my eyes.

"Bye…" I answer. He lets go of my arm, and walks off, looking back and throwing me a little wave as he leaves the building. I smile and hug myself, walking towards the locker room to claim my coat.

I have a trip to pack for.


	3. Getting To The Airport Is Half The Trip

I am almost finished shoving my stuff into my suitcase when the phone rings. I figured it was Nick, but he already called an hour ago to say he found a Continental flight to Dallas later tonight. So what else could he possibly want?

"Hello?" I pick up the phone and answer.

"Hey there cowgirl." He says with a drawl, and I blush. I don't think the fact that he can't see me is stopping him from knowing I'm blushing either.

"Shut up Nick." Is the only thing I can think to say back, and he laughs somewhere in the background.

"No, but really Sara, I think you are very brave for coming to see my family with only me as your back-up. If we had switched places, I know I probably wouldn't have the guts to go." He says, still laughing.

"Oh, so you're the wimp of the family huh? Great, and I thought going with you would at least be okay…" I tease, and he scoffs into the phone.

"Hey, you mean you don't love me?" he asks innocently, and I secretly wish I could hear that from him every day.

"Of course I do. Although, you might want to re-ask that when this trip is over…"

"Ha ha, very funny. You are obviously a very conditional-love sort of person."

He says, and I choose to ignore this comment.

"What'd you call for Nick?" I ask impatiently, although I'll never admit to myself how much I wish Nick and I could talk for a lot longer than this.

"Oh…umm…hold on….Right, I'll be at your house in an hour or so, okay?" he asks, and I smile. I'm excited about this trip.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll be ready." I reply.

"Okay then, I'll see you in a little bit."

"Okay. Bye."

I hung up and sighed. I got up from my bed, and continued my task of shoving clothes into an increasingly small suitcase.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

An hour later, I heard the door bell ring. Nick was here. I straightened my shirt, fluffed my hair, and walked to the door.

"Hey there." Nick greeted. He was dressed in jeans and a shirt, my apparel was similar.

"Hi. Come on in." I said, smiling broadly, and opening the door widely.

"Okay. Where's your suitcase, I'll take it to the car." He asked, and I pointed to my bedroom.

"It's alright, I can get it. It's only got four days of clothes anyway." I said, but he shook his head and put on a stern expression.

"You most certainly will not! It is a man's job, so a man shall do it." Nick proceeded to tell me, and I laughed in spite of myself.

"Sure Nick. Are you sure you don't want to do it just to get into my bedroom?" I teased.

"Every job has its advantages." He shrugged, "Look at it this way. By becoming a C.S.I., you got to meet gorgeous, handsome me. By becoming a suitcase carrier, I get into the ladies bedrooms. I'd say the rewards are about equal, wouldn't you Miss Sidle?"

"You," I say with my hands on my hips, "have got to be _the_ most conceited person I have ever met."

He laughs and comes next to me, holding me around the waist.

"And yet you love me…They all do…" he says, looking at the ceiling and shaking his head as if in amazement.

"Get off me and go do your job." I say, shoving him away. It's only when I do that that I realize how much I loved the feeling of him holding me near.

He just looks at me with a grin before heading off down the hall.

I hear him grab the suitcase without so much as a grunt, and I open the door for him on his way out. I make sure all the lights are out, grab my purse and cell, and lock the door.

"Okay, we're ready." I say coming down to meet him. He slams the trunk and beams at me.

"Let's set sail then."

We get into the Denali, and off we go.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

At the airport, Nick drops me and the suitcases off, finding a place to park. I watch him drive away before heading into baggage check. I stand in line for ten minutes until he comes inside.

"Hey!" I wave, raising my voice to attract Nick's attention, "Nick! Over here!"

He spies me from the crowd, and makes his way over to me.

"Hey. Got the bags ready?" he asks, and I nod with a smile.

"Thanks." He says.

"It's not a big deal Nick, I just re-wrote some tags." I shrug, and he smiles at me.

"Not that. I mean, for coming. I know I'd be pretty shaken up, and pretty lost without you. The part about how much I needed someone here is just hitting me now, I'm glad you had the intelligence to see that before I did. So, thanks for convincing me I needed you." He says, and I smile gently at him.

"Anytime." I murmur. He pulls me into a light hug, and I wrap my arms around his neck.

When I back out of his embrace, he smiles appreciatively at me. I bite my lip and look away as a blush creeps onto my face. He smiles one last time, as if in understanding, and looks away. I silently thank God for him and how he knew I needed time to…process.

We finally checked our baggage in, and by the time we were strolling through the concourses, we were back to our old selves, laughing and joking. He asked what I thought of his suitcase carrying service, and after I said I thought it was the best on the market today, he insisted he should be paid. I refused.

He offered to take me to court.

"You didn't tell me the price of your services beforehand! You cannot take me to court on those charges Nick, even a bloke like you knows that."

He put on a hurt expression with a puffy lip.

"I'm not a bloke…" he said, doing a good job of sounding on the verge of tears. I rolled my eyes and elbowed him.

"Of course you aren't." I said with a laugh.

We rounded the corner, found our appropriate boarding area, and walked into the check-in line.

"Hi. We're going to be on the flight to Dallas…" Nick says. I lean against the counter, zoning him, and the rest of the world out. I think back to my childhood, and back to my brother…NO. Not to my brother…I told myself I would forget that…

"Sara?" I feel someone shake me, and I look up. Nick gives me a concerned smile.

"You alright?" he ask gently, putting a hand on my arm. I nod and stand upright, walking over to a nearby chair and sitting gratefully. Nick comes over and sits next to me.

"Hey," he says as he leans back and looks at me, "whatever it is, I got your back."

I smile.

"Ya. I was counting on that."

At my acceptance of help he looks over with a furrowed brow.

"Want to tell me about it?"

I shake my head with a smile.

"Maybe someday. But not today."

He nods with a look of genuine understanding. We leave it at that, sitting in silence until we are able to board.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Flight 419 to Dallas is now boarding. If you are sitting in First Class, you are now encouraged to board. All coach passengers are asked to remain where they are." Came over the speaker.

I laughed.

Nick looked at me with a grin.

"What are you laughing at Sidle?" he asked me while poking my arm. I swatted at him and he stopped.

"I hope you brought your kit." I say, and he looks completely lost.

"Uhh…no sorry. Why?"

I snicker.

"We're on Flight 419 Nick. All you better hope is that it isn't you that dies." I say. He laughs too, finally getting where I'm coming from.

"Flight 419 coach passengers are now permitted to board." Announces the speaker. I share a friendly smile with Nick, and we get up together. After standing in line, being greeted by airport personal, Nick and I walk side by side down the narrow hallway to the plane entrance. Before entering, I take a deep breath


	4. Flying Is The Other Half, Sometimes More

"What's wrong?" Nick comes up behind me, placing a hand on my hip. I smile at his touch, but the plane entrance still stands before me.

"I'm scared shitless of flying." I reply. Nick breathes a laugh behind me, and he gives my hip a gentle squeeze.

"Hey, I said I have your back. Trust me on this one." He gives me a grin and I take another breath.

"Want me to go first?" he asks, and I nod vigorously. He smiles, and I stand aside to let him go first. He takes a step into the plane, and continues walking. I take one step in, and look around. He doubles back, and my darting eyes meet his.

"It's okay. C'mon Sar." He says. And, ever so gently, he takes my hand. I smile broadly, feeling his fingers caress mine and lightly pull me along. I walk close behind Nick, not wanting to have to break our hands. Suddenly he stops, and I crash right into him.

"Oh…sorry…" I say, blushing. He laughs lightly, and gallantly opens his arm to allow me into our seats.

"Aisle or window?" he inquires.

"Window please." I say. He nods, and I slip in. I sit in my seat, put my purse on the ground in front of me, and buckle my seat belt. I look for Nick, as he hasn't sat next to me yet. A smile spreads across his face as he helps a woman with a baby get into her seat and store her overhead baggage. He nods and says your welcome before turning back and sitting in his seat. After buckling his own seat belt, he looks at me.

"Hey, sorry about that, the lady needed some help..." he says, but I just shake my head and toss his concern.

"I'm fine. Nice to see our Boy Scout here do his daily good deed anyway." I tease, and Nick plays along, laughing with me.

"Sara? Can I ask you something?"

I turn to face him more, wondering what could be on his mind.

"Yeah. Sure."

"Umm…why did you come out here? I mean, this flying thing is scaring you out of your mind. And you're going to see people you've never met, while someone is in the hospital, you're taking time off from work, using up vacation time to go do something totally opposite a vacation…I mean, I guess I just can't believe you are doing this for me…you're amazing…" he trails off, and I smile affectionately at him.

"You're my best friend Nick. I know I'm scared of flying, and I know I'm going to a place I've never been to see people I've never seen, and I am completely aware that I am using vacation time, but it doesn't matter. You matter. Besides, when am I going to use my vacation time anyway?" I insist.

"Yeah," Nick teases, "who would you use it with?"

At this, I elbow him.

"Shut up Nick."

He shrugs, and beams at me.

"I'll go on vacation with you Sara…" he says in a slightly husky voice, and the thought send shivers down my spine. I just blush and look out the window. I let out a moan as we start to move, and gasp as we pull onto the runway.

"Hey…you okay? I promise nothing is going to happen." Nick says in a soothing voice. He slips a hand onto my lap, taking one of my hands, and lacing our fingers. I shut my eyes tightly and squeeze his hand as we take off. Feeling the ground move under me, and my ears pop, and the entire plane tilt, I whine a little.

"Shh…it's alright, we're just getting higher. Don't worry…" Nick whispers in my ear, and I take a deep breath, calming down. I bite my lip and finally open my eyes. Nick greets me with a smile, and I throw my head against my seat, taking a deep breath and rolling my eyes. I am frustrated at how vulnerable I am right now. Nick hasn't let go of my hand however, and the gentle caress of his thumb soothes me.

I look over at him again, and he smirks at me. For some unknown reason, I blush and look away. The feel of gentle fingers curling my hair behind my ear brings my eyes to meet his once again.

"Thanks…" I lock eyes with him, and suddenly I'm keenly aware of how close our lips are. I'm filled with a sense of nervousness, and I start to freak. My insecurities get the best of me, and I let go of his hand.

"Anytime." He replies with a small smile. My stomach sinks at the prospect of hurting him. I wonder, what does he think of me? What's going through his mind right now?

I am disappointed in myself, unsure of what I am going to do, and frustrated with the fact that I can't go anywhere and think alone. I have this flurry of emotion running through my head, and all I can think to do is sleep, or else face a possible breakdown. I lean my chair back as far as it will go, which isn't very far. I sigh as I rest my head against the back of my seat, and I can almost hear the little voice inside telling me to accept the fact that I wish I was in Nick's arms.

- Nick's Point Of View -

I watched Sara lean her seat back out of the corner of my eye. I know something stressful is going through her mind right now, and it has something to do with either what she wouldn't tell me at the airport, the fact that she's going to Texas and is flying, or it has to do with me.

She sighs, and my fears are confirmed.

I wonder how someone so beautiful can have no man in her life. I watch her fall asleep, and her innocent beauty pulls at my heart. A strand of hair falls onto her cheek, and it takes all the self control I have not to reach over and tuck it behind her ear.

Suddenly, her brow furrows a little, and her hands form into fists as she frowns. I know she is coming on this trip to support me, but from the distraught look on her face, I can't help but consider the fact that I might end up supporting her. I hear a faint whimper escape her throat, and my heart goes out to her. I lean my seat back equal with hers, and take her hand in mine. I close my eyes, and pray that when we wake, she won't be angry with me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The feel of movement beside me alerts me to consciousness. I don't open my eyes, but I'm awake. I feel Sara's hand still in mine, and it makes me wonder if maybe she was just shifting in her sleep. But I also feel her head on my shoulder, and her side pressed against mine. I smile. She is closer to me.

I open my eyes wide, and then squint, the sudden brightness blinding me momentarily. I blink a few times, and then look straight ahead, able to see clearly. I turn my head so I can see Sara, but my head comes in contact with hers. I stiffen, taking my head off hers, but she doesn't move. Ever so slowly, and even more gently, I place my head back on the top of hers. She hasn't made her presence known, but I recognize that she's also awake. An awkward silence reigns over us, and I know I have to speak first, seeing as how I got us into this.

"Sara?" I call quietly, letting the sweet smell of her shampoo sink into my memory.

"Yeah?" she says incredibly quietly that only I could hear.

"You alright? I was worried about you, when you were sleeping…" I try, not sure what to say. She sniffles under me, and her other hand comes to cover mine.

"I'm scared." She says, taking a deep breath.

"Of what?" I ask, giving her hand a tender squeeze. She laughs under me, the kind of laugh that people filled with despair laugh as they examine their situation.

"Of…everything. So many things it scares me." She admits. I know that if she's going to tell me any of those things, I had best not push her now, because she isn't going to say a word. So I just caress her hand and kiss the top of her head.

"Okay." I tell her. "I'm here. Always."

I'm not sure if that was the assurance she needed, but she smiles and shifts under me, surprising me by scooting closer and finding a better position on my shoulder.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Nick…wake up…c'mon…" I hear a soft, laughter filled voice. My eyes open, and I sit up straight suddenly.

"Whoa there cowboy!" Sara says with a smile. I smile back at her, and her gap-toothed grin soon turns to full-fledged blush.

"Hey Sar…" I say with a quizzical look on my face. Wasn't this the same Sara I had left to sleep, the one with a frown on her face and sadness in her heart? And here she was laughing with me, back to almost her former self?

"I see someone's feeling better after that nap…?" I ask and she bites her lip with a small nod and a not-so-large smile.

"Well, yea, everything said is true, and I'm still scared, but I decided that…I don't know. I really don't have a grip on everything that's flying through my mind right now. But when I get a chance to catch my breath and figure it out, you'll be the first to know." She ends, and I can't help but love the happy note she ends on. It leaves me feeling hopeful about what she may think about the changes happening between us.

"Good enough for me Sara." I say. She smiles.

"Thanks."

Author's Note/Opinion/Two Cents/Whatever –

Well….not too too much to say. Thanks to people that are sticking with this story etc… I totally appreciate it.

Um…PLEASE REVIEW!!

$-$ The Notorious Cat $-$


	5. Landing In Texas

**- **Sara's Point Of View -

I watch Nick he stands up momentarily to stretch. A voice comes over the speaker, announcing that everyone needed to return to their seats, as the plane was about to make its final descent. Nick sat down and buckled his seatbelt.

"You do know they were talking to you don't you?" I ask with a smug grin. He raises an eyebrow at me and shakes his head.

"Protocol Sara, protocol." He retorts, and I just huff at him.

"We are now making our final descent into the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. If everyone will buckle their seatbelts and move both their seats and trays into the full upright position, we will have you on the ground momentarily. Thank you once again for flying with us, and we hope to see you again here on Continental Airlines." One of the flight attendants alerts us.

Aw shit.

The landing.

Focus on something else Sara, focus on something else…

I start to wonder how much flight attendants get paid. I voice my question to Nick, and he ponders for a moment before answering.

"Well, not sure really…Why? Interested in switching careers?" He teases, "This would suit you quite well." I laugh, and shove him with my shoulder.

"Shut up Nick." I say, and he snorts.

"You know, you could really think of better comebacks." He grins, and I roll my eyes, trying unsuccessfully to hide my smile.

"Shut up Nick!" I say with more power, slapping him in the chest. He grabs my wrist suddenly, and it scares me. I look over at him, and a small 'ugh' escapes my lips, like I had been hit in the stomach.

His eyes glisten, and his hand slowly slides down my arm, until his fingers lace with mine. I smile, and he smiles.

"So tell me about your family." I say quietly, leaning against the seat and trying to settle my nerves.

"Well…there is me, my three sisters, and my brother. My sister Sammy, she is married with two kids, Devon and Alex. My sister Lindsay is married with three kids, Hannah, Cathryn, and Robbie. My brother Mark is married and has a boy, Joey. My other sister, Kayla, she is married with no kids yet. She was the one in the crash…" he trails off sadly, and I automatically put my head on his shoulder, and open invitation of support.

"Oh Nicky I am so sorry, I know its tough-"

All the sudden…JOLT! I gasp, and suck in an intense breath. We're landing! I squeeze Nick's hand, and he caresses my hand with a calm shushing noise. A loud speeding wind sound echoes through the plane as we slow down on the runway. The sound dies, and I take a deep breath and swallow to cure my popping ears.

"You okay?" he asks tenderly. I open my eyes. And a huge grin spreads across my face as I figure him out.

"You kept me busy while we landed! You little sneak!" I say, not truly believing he could care so much. He shrugs and nods with a sheepish grin.

"I do what I can." He admits, and I lean my head back on his shoulder. He chuckles softly as I do, and I block out the sound of the voice coming over the speaker to listen to Nick's breathing

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As Nick and I step off the plane, I smile. I made it through my worst fear, flying.

Not bad for one day.

Nick elbows me, and I look over at him. A smile has spread across his face, and I know the same thought is running through his head.

"Alright Sidle, you made it through Flight 419!" he exclaims, and I just shake my head at him, secretly loving how much joy he gets from the littlest of things.

"Wait…" he says, grabbing my arm and stopping me. He looks up at the signs, and I point to the one that directs us towards baggage claim. We stroll along, not in a real hurry. Taking the escalator down to the basement floor, we find the baggage claim for our specific flight, and wait as the roller moves its passenger's possessions along.

"Hey, there's mine!" I point with an excited tone. He raises an eyebrow, and I tell him to shut up and grab my bag.

He scolds me once again on my poor use of comebacks, and advises me to look deep into my intricate vocabulary and pull out another.

I tell him to shut up again, just to annoy him.

He grabs his own bag, and we move out of the way to make room for others.

"NICKY!!" I hear someone scream, and we both turn. Nick gets this huge smile on his face, one I've only seen on rare occasions. An older lady whom I presume to be his mother gives him a huge hug, and they both laugh and cry and do everything all rolled into one. I stand a few feet back, letting Nick enjoy the moment, and feeling sort of awkward. When they finally break the embrace, Nick's mother backs away and cups his face like Nick is a five year old.

"Oh Nick…we miss you so much around here…look at you…I haven't seen you in forever…oh…" Mrs. Stokes says, and I smile and laugh quietly. I can only envy at how close this family is…

Mrs. Stokes notices me, and comes over with her hands on her hips and a smile on her face.

"Nicholas! Who is this pretty, young thing? An envy of many men I presume?" she lifts an eyebrow at me, "I see you've finally picked a winner."

Nick comes to my side, rescuing me.

"Umm…Mom…no, actually, this is my best friend Sara. She offered to come down here to ensure my emotional…err…intactness." He says, squeezing my arm gently. He hides this unsuccessfully from his mother. She gives him a look, one that tells me this isn't the last person that will suspect something between Nick and me.

"Well, alright. It's too bad; my boy could use a nice gal like you in his life… On a happier note, welcome to Dallas Sara!" Mrs. Stokes says, and pulls me into a hug. Not a mannerly hug. A motherly hug. The tight squeeze, big bear hug, haven't-seen-you-in-a-million-years-when-in-reality-it's-only-been-a-few-hours kind of hug.

I haven't had one in a while.

"Thank you…" I say, squeezing her momentarily before stepping back. Nick beams at me.

"Oh you're welcome dear." She adds, and we share a warm smile. I have to say, my fist impression of Nick's family is…good!

"Well," he says, "what do you say we get out of here?" Nick's mom nods her head with excitement. He looks to me with that thousand-watt smile, and I grin and nod too. Nick grabs both bags and turns to start walking, but I grab the handle of my own bag and tug it away from him.

"I can carry my own bag!" I insist, but Nick just shakes his head.

"Didn't we go over the whole 'bag thing' before we left? Besides, it's the least I can do, with you comin' down here and all."

I roll my eyes in disbelief, and stand in my offensive, cross-armed, leaning-on-one-hip stance.

"Nick! You paid for my ticket, got my bags, picked me up at my house, took me to the airport, and got me through that flight, the latter being you're greatest accomplishment. What else are you going to do, carry me to the car?" I ask.

A second after I do, I realize how stupid asking that question was.

In one swift movement, Nick sets the bags down, comes to my side and…whoosh! I'm in his arms, light as a feather and fit like a key.

And in extremely close proximity of that hard-as-hell chest. Damn!

"Nick Stokes put me down!" I insist, digging my fist into his stomach and trying not to laugh.

"Ouch!! Ouch ouch! That hurts Sara stop! Okay, okay, I'll put you down, but let's remember one thing…you asked for it!" He teases, laughing out loud and gently setting me back on the ground.

I smile, and pick up my bag.

"I cannot believe you just did that Nick." His mother walks up, and I blush furiously, completely forgetting she was there. Nick looks over at me, and sees me blushing. He elbows me and puts on a look of mock innocence.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault, the lady asked for it and I, like the true gentleman that I am, did what the lady insisted." He pleads his case.

"Oh I insisted…pashaw!" I smile and purse my lips together, raising my eyebrows and looking away. I think I do this a lot; Nick pointed it out to me once. And after that, he had continued on to list all my other little quirks.

He really does know me best.

"Watcha' smilin' 'bout over there Sidle?" He asks, and I hear his accent significantly increase. It must be because of our location, I can tell he is soaking Texas right into his skin.

"I'm smilin' at you."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- Nick's Point Of View -

I feel myself grin as Sara says she's smiling at me. I wonder if she saw my mom smile too.

"Hey, Nick, if you're done flirting over there, it'd be so great if you could drive…"Mrs. Stokes says, dangling and jingling the keys. Sara laughs and blushes, pursing her lips like she always does, especially when she tries to hide a smile

"Yeah, so sorry Mom…" I say, trying to recover myself while still stealing one last glance at Sara. After the plane ride, I feel like Sara and I connected on a level that's much different from ones we've connected on before. Just by holding her hand I can feel this intense energy between us. Pent up energy. Held-back energy. I know Sara is trying to figure out the stuff changing between us, but I think there might be something deeper, something that hasn't surfaced before

I guess all I can do I wait; see if she'll open up.

"Nicky…" my mother waves a hand in front of my face, breaking me from my reverie. I look at her, but she smiles and motions towards the car door. I glance at Sara again, and she catches my eye. She was frowning, but she offers a weak smile, and as I get into the car, I return it.

I go around back and toss my bag into the trunk. As I turn, smack! I run right into Sara.

"Oh, sorry Nick…"she says, giggling at me before throwing her own bags in the back. I smile at her, and she blushes. A second passes, and as she catches my eye, I know I've been caught staring.

"Go drive before your mom says something again." she insists, shoving me away from her and laughing. I shake my head with a smile, and she turns and gets into the car.

Starting the car a minute later, I pull out of the airport, and I hear Sara sigh. I look at her through the rearview mirror, wondering what's bothering her.

"So Nick, which one?" I hear my mother say suddenly, and I shake my head and blink before looking in her direction.

"Umm…sorry mom, what was that?" I ask, and she smiles knowingly.

"I asked if you wanted something to eat, or go straight to bed. It is getting late." She says. I ponder this for a minute. I'm not very hungry, and after that flight, I'm sure Sara's not either. Besides, mom'll make us something good for breakfast.

"I'm thinking bed, whadda bout you Sar?" I glance back at her once again. she nods and says that's fine with her.

"Mom, how's Kayla?" I ask, and I hear Sara shift behind me. The worry for my sister starts to flood my emotions, and the anxiety is eating away at me.

"She's been better Nick. I'm serious, she's pretty beat up, but technically, the doctor's say she's fine. She doesn't look too pretty right now, but there should be no lasting damage." She says. I nod solemnly, not really believing my sister could be so hurt. It made me hurt.

"We'll see her tomorrow okay?" my mom says, patting my shoulder. I nod, and look at Sara via the rearview mirror again, just to see what she might be thinking about all that.

She's crying.

Not over the top bawling, heck barely even crying, but, a silent tear rolls down her cheek, and she does nothing to stop it. She seems to barely notice as she stares out the window. I look back to the road after the light changes, and wonder, why? She doesn't even know my sister. I'll have to talk to her.

Fifteen minutes later, we pull up to the farm. It takes a good two minuets to finish the driveway, its gravel and hilly. The fields are vast and full of horses, another reason I looked forward to coming here.

Once in the garage, I park and get out. A rush of hot air meets me, and I wish I had on some shorts. Sara gets out too, a little more slowly, and meets me at the back to grab our bags.

"Hot here isn't it?" I ask, and Sara smiles.

"Yeah. Makes me want to put something else on, all this humidity."

"Well," I tease, "you know how the song goes. 'It's getting hot in here, so take ff all your clothes.' "

She laughs, and I feel a little better.

"In your dreams Nick." She laughs.

"Damn right."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


	6. Scared

- Sara's Point Of View -

I rolled my eyes and blew off the fact that Nick just said he dreamed of me.

Naked me.

It's weird, it's possibly a joke, it's one more thing I have to think about, but mostly, it's unbelievable.

Men, hot men, such as Nick, are not supposed to think of me as sexy, or hot, or a woman they dream about having their way with.

I've never been that beautiful person, never will.

Nick's supposed to dream about a Texas Cowboy's cheerleader, big boobs, butts, curvy, provocative, and seductive. Not me, lanky long-legged Sara Sidle.

So, it's unbelievable.

I'm the one that dreams about Nick dreaming about me.

Oops! Oh God did I just admit that? Too late, no time to think, I just walked in Nick's house through the front door.

"Sara, honey, you can go ahead and take a room. Nick can sleep in the bedroom across from you; this way you can have your own bathroom." Mrs. Stokes advises me, and I nod, smiling as Nick leads me towards the bedroom. He ushers me inside.

"Okay, here you go. I'll be right across the hall if you need anything." He says kindly, handing me my bag. I nod and grin at him.

"Thanks Nick." I say, and he smiles, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

I fish around for something cool and breathable to wear to bed. It's so hot here, I feel like I could cut the air with a knife. The humidity kills me. I decide on a tank and a pair of shorts.

I take a deep breath, put my hair in a ponytail, and walk out of my room. I knock softly on Nick's door, and open it after he calls to me.

"Hey I-" I stop, my breath caught in my throat as Nick stands there with knee length shorts, and his shirt off. His beautifully defined chest, and arms, I just want to take hold of him and tell him how much I want him, and let him hold me.

A good minute passes as I stare at him.

He puts his hand behind his head and laughs embarrassed before turning to get a shirt on.

I knew the whole dreaming thing was too good to be true. There is no way a beautiful man could want an ugly woman. A.k.a. me.

"Sorry…" he says, but I finally catch myself staring after he puts a shirt on.

"Uhh…it's okay, I just came in to say goodnight." I say truthfully, even though the no-shirt ordeal was a nice bonus.

I wish he knew how much I love him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- Nick's Point Of View -

Sara knocked on my door, and I told her to come in. I was almost done getting dressed I just had to find a shirt. She opened the door, and leaned against the doorway.

"Hey I-" She starts, but I'm too distracted by her body. Immediately, I'm hit with how…hot one of my best friends is. Her hair is in a ponytail, beautifully exposing her neckline and upper chest. A tight camisole gripped her curves and accentuated them beautifully, and a short pair of shorts hugged her hips, making me want to take hold of her and never let go, telling her how much I wanted her, and needed her.

I had never seen so much skin on Sara before, and it was…beautiful. I stared appreciatively at her long, lithe legs, exposed arms and parts of her back, front, and midriff. I don't think Ive ever seen someone as naturally beautiful as Sara. I wish I could tell her, but I don't want to cause any problems.

"Sorry…" I say, embarrassed. I turn to distract myself by finding a shirt; I know Sara might have caught me staring.

"Uhh…it's okay. I just came in to say goodnight." She says, and I smile at her, finally getting that shirt over my head. It pops in my head that this might be the best time to ask her about the whole crying thing in the car.

"Okay, umm Sara, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything…" I start, and Sara takes a step into the room. I take a deep breath, and continue.

"Well after what you said on the airport, not wanting to talk, and on the plane, being scared, and I saw you crying in the car tonight." At this, Sara looks away. But I continue, because I need to get this out, and there might not be another chance, at least not one before we see my sister tomorrow. I step towards her.

"Maybe this is affecting you a little more than you planned on, and maybe there's something I don't know about, but-"

"I don't want to talk Nick." She says sternly, so I back down.

"I just thought you might need a hug." I say, lifting her chin and smiling at her. She smiles with watery eyes, and nods. I step towards her again, my arms easily enveloping her tiny frame. I press her into me as her arms glide around my neck. She squeezes me tight, holding on for dear life, and I squeeze back. She buries her head in my shoulder, and I let one hand glide across her back, holding the back of her head and caressing it gently.

"I'm sorry…I do want to talk to you…I'm just not ready yet." She chokes back a sob, trying hard not to cry.

"I know you do…shh…its okay…" I assure her, hold her close as she beats back tears. I run both my hands up and down her sides, and she shivers. My hands halt on her hips, and I feel bare skin underneath my thumbs. She relaxes a little, taking her hands from the back of my neck and letting them rest on my upper chest, parallel with her head.

I wonder what's running through her mind right now. She must have something big going on, because something's been eating away at her for quite a while.

Suddenly, I feel her hands start to move on my chest. Downward, downward, downward they go, slow as can be. I shiver as I realize just how good her hands feel on me, and that I have her so close to me that I could kiss her if I wanted to. Her hands reach my waist, and I guess she knew what might happen if her hands trailed any further, so she broke off and found my hands, taking them from her hips and letting them dangle.

She didn't even look up at me as she quietly laced all our fingers, taking both my hands in hers.

I breathed in deeply, and let her rest against my chest for a minute. I was about to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I'm still scared." She admitted, and out of impulse, I kissed the top of her head, setting my head on hers.

"I'm still here." I reassured her. I felt her breathe in deep and step closer, finding a better spot on my chest.

"You know, I'm here now. For this entire trip, I'll be a room away. Whenever you're ready, just tell me. It doesn't matter where; I'll make time for you." I told her, and it was quite true, but it was also an open invitation of help.

She dropped my hands, and I feared the worst. But I felt her hands run up my back, under my arms, until finally; they stopped right behind my shoulders. She stood on her tiptoes and put her head on my shoulder too.

"I'd like that." She said as my arms wrapped firmly around her back.

"I'm just across the hall if you need anything tonight okay? Absolutely anything at all." I said, and she nodded on my shoulder. I wanted to hold her, and kiss her, and tell her that everything was okay. Here she was, crying because something huge was affecting her, and all I could think about was how much I…loved her.

I love her.

Oh my God.

She pulled away gently from me, a single tear still streaming down her face. She reached up to catch it, but I beat her to it, stopping her hand with my own to cup her cheek and wipe the tear away. My fingers took a wisp of hair that had escaped her ponytail and tucked it behind her ear. And then she did something that surprised me.

She covered my hand with hers. I felt her thumb move slowly and gently across the back of my hand, and I caught her eye. I smiled, and she smiled behind watery eyes. And as we smiled at each other, I came to a realization that took me four years, but has been there all along.

I've always loved her.

- Sara's Point Of View -

I smiled at Nick, finding his kindness unbelievable. It made me love him so much more, which hurt so much more because he didn't know.

He doesn't know my problems, he doesn't know the reasons for my hesitations, but he does know me. Part of me. I feel like he doesn't know this huge chunk of my life, and it's true. The only thing that's stopping him from knowing is…me. And that makes me so sad.

I felt another tear fall down my cheek, and I closed my eyes in shame. Yet suddenly, I felt Nick's warm lips kiss it gently away. He backed off, and I smiled broadly. He had kissed me. He leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"No more tears from the beautiful woman." I shivered as I listened to his voice, as I listened to it call me beautiful. I shivered again as I felt him snake his arm around my waist and pull me close, a satisfied, excited shiver that made my heart beat faster.

"Hey, tomorrow, before we go see Kayla, I'm gonna take you to see the horses. They were always my support system when I was younger. Whenever I was lonely, or in a fight with anybody, or the house was way too crazy, I'd go down there. They were my best friends, always there to listen. Kind of like you, you're my support system today, huh?" he asked me quietly, and I closed my eyes and nodded. It was nice to hear his voice talk to me gently, and hear it echo in his chest. I zoned in on the feeling of him rub my back.

"They are very therapeutic." He said, and I remembered something.

"I'm scared of horses Nick." I said seriously, and he chuckled softly.

"Don't be afraid. They definitely don't want to hurt you. I'll go down with you. Don't worry, you'll love them." He said, but I still worried.

"I'll still be scared."

"Sara, sometimes, I think, it's good to do something you're scared to. It keeps us sane. That and being loved." he thought aloud. Easy for you to say, I think, you're surrounded by love here. I can't go anywhere and have that…

Nick seemed to read my mind. He squeezed my sides for support, and I leaned on him. I felt so sad whenever I looked at Mrs. Stokes, because I knew I would never have that kind of motherly love from my own mother. All I had were friends, and their families to make up for the one I had lost, that's how it's always been.

"Sara? Are you okay? Sara?" Nick looked down at me, and I sighed.

"I'm scared again." I admitted, and Nick looked tenderly at me.

"Of what? Name one, I'm sure I could come up with something." He said, like he was Superman or something.

"I'm scared of going back to my room alone." I said. He hugged me tight for a minute, and I awaited his response.

"When I was eight years old, Dallas saw the worst thunderstorm it had in twenty-six years. I, of course, was scared out of my mind. There were trees shaking, and noises outside, the wind was howling, everything. My parents had five scared kids, fifteen scared horses, and no solution. We all had to go to bed eventually, and the storm wasn't letting up. We all couldn't sleep with mom, so she came up with a great idea. She called us into her room, and she said 'Kids, I know this is tough and you're scared. I'm scared too, and I need you to help me here. Take this, and when you're sleeping and you get scared, just hug yourself tight, and pretend I'm there.' Then she gave us all one of her shirts, and sent us to bed. It worked brilliantly, we could smell her kitchen spices and perfume smell, and it put us all at ease. It felt as though she were right there beside us."

He let a minute pass before asking the next question.

"So Sara? You want one of my shirts?" he asked, and I just stared at him. How could he…care so much? I nodded in response to his question, and stared in awe as he went over to his suitcase and pulled out his all-time favorite shirt.

His Texas Cowboys football jersey.

I smiled, tears coming to my eyes as I was touched by his kindness. He tossed me the shirt and watched me put it on over my ponytail. When I slipped my head and arms through, he nodded his head in approval.

"You look hot." He said, "All I need now is some chicken wings and beer."

I sighed and pretended to be mad, but I still wiped my eyes.

"Hey…" he said, and I went to him, throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him tight. His compassion, sympathy, and thoughtfulness, brought tears to my eyes. I released him, and he looked into my eyes.

"Thank you so much." I said, "I mean, this is…I can't believe you would…thanks Nick. I really…needed you." He smiled at me, and took my hand affectionately.

"C'mon Sar." He said, leading me out of the room and towards mine. He shut the door behind us, and I made my way over to my bed, covering my legs up, but sitting so I could talk to Nick.

He came over after I settled in and sat opposite of me.

"I don't know how you couldn't feel safe in this shirt Sara. Now you're a Cowboy. Girl I mean. All you need's a hat." He joked, and I smiled. I liked Texas.

"Nick?" I asked, and he turned, waiting for my answer.

"I…I'm really glad you're sister is going to be okay." I said, and he smiled, taking my hand.

"Me too. Don't know what I'd do without her." He said, and I smiled slowly, looking down at my lap. His soft fingers touched my cheek, and I looked back at him.

"You okay?"

I smiled softly.

"I decided I'll go see the horses with you tomorrow."

"Okay. Good night Sara." He said, moving forward and taking me in his arms for one last time. I smiled, thinking, maybe, it will be okay.

"You'll be alright tonight?" he asked, and I nodded assuringly.

"I'm a Cowgirl. Relax." I joked, smiling, and for once, really feeling kind of happy, and kind of hopeful.

"Okay. Remember, wake me for anything." He said, his hand gently curling hair behind my ear again. I let one hand rest on this arm and his fingers played across my cheek.

"Alright. Good night Nick. I…"

Nick seemed to lean forward at this, as if that would help whatever I had to say come out faster.

I love you.

I love you.

"I…"

I love you.

Come on say it!

"I really appreciate everything."

Nick relaxed, and smiled.

"Anything for a pretty woman." He said, and I laughed.

"Which one would that be?" I teased, trying to get his attention off me, and not believing what he said.

"Why," he said, leaning forward, "she's right here." He kissed my cheek, and when he pulled away, I blushed furiously.

"Good night Sara."

"Good night Nick."

He turned off the light, flashed me a grin, and closed the door.

I nearly screamed with excitement. Nick Stokes had kissed me three times, and he was just…ugh I didn't even know the perfect word to explain it.

Oh!

There it is.

Perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Maybe he loves me. He sure acts like he does.

Maybe I'm over analyzing.

I lie down, take my hair out, and feel the softness of his jersey. It smells like him.

Like perfect little him.

All my problems just melt away.

Except my brother.

My brother never goes away.

Half of me says Nick would understand, but the other half of me is so scared, and so ashamed of my past, I don't even want to attempt to bring it up.

So I close my eyes to go to sleep, snuggling into my blankets and my problems.

And Nick's jersey.


	7. Pancakes Can Cure Anything

- Nick's Point Of View -

I woke up around 7:00, for no general reason. My eyes just sort of opened, and I sensed that I had to get up and get ready. There was a lot to do today.

I got in the shower, and thought about one thing…Sara. I know she needs me, but she just won't tell me why. There are so many questions I have that I know I can't push her about, but they bug me. I want to know more about her…I need to.

Why did she zone out at the airport?

Why was she crying in the car?

Why did she get so worked up and scared last night?

What is it that she can't tell me?

But mostly…how did she know I was going to need her here, with my sister?

A smile comes to my face as I remember something else though. How she came to me for help, how I held her and how her body felt pressed against mine. How she let me help her, how she accepted it.

How she let me kiss her.

As I recall these things, I decide I need to turn the shower dial a _little_ colder.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Fifteen minutes later, I'm out of the shower, dressed, and ready to find Sara.

I knock on her door. No answer.

I knock again. Still no answer.

Figuring that if she was getting dressed or something she'd speak up, I crack open her door. The light is off, and I can see her bed; it is neatly made. I open the door a little more, and find the room empty. I walk over to the bed, and from there, I can hear the shower running. As I look to the bed, I smile.

My jersey is folded neatly on top of it.

I lift the shirt off the bed, and a piece of paper falls to the ground. I bend over and pick it up.

It reads:

_Thanks Nick._

_Love – Sara_

I smile.

Love.

I take the pen that was lying next to the shirt, and write a message on the back of her note.

_Morning! Get dressed; I'll meet you in the kitchen for breakfast and a trip to the barn. _

_Love - Nick_

I left Sara's room, closing the door behind me. Then I put the jersey back into my suitcase and headed downstairs.

"Good morning Nicky!" my mom greeted me with a hug. I smiled; it's nice to be home.

"How are you this morning?" she asked.

"Well rested." I replied, actually feeling like I had slept for hours longer than I had.

"How's Sara?" she asked. I was a little shocked and worried, it crossed my mind that my mom knew what had transpired between us last night. But, looking at her expression, it seemed to me she was asking a perfectly innocent question.

"She's okay. She's taking a shower now." My mother nods in understanding.

"I just finished making some pancakes, I figured you kids would be hungry, and after that work schedule, you might not really be very good cooks." She says, and I raise my hands in surrender.

"You have a point. Sara and I usually go out to breakfast after shift." I say, and as soon as it leaves my lips I know my mom is going to take this the wrong way. She smiles and turns around, changing the subject before I can argue.

"Okay well, I am going to the hospital in fifteen or so minutes. I didn't know if you two wanted to stay here for a while, or leave right away, or what your schedule is, so you can do whatever. You're welcome to use the other car."

I smile. This fits perfectly into our plans. If there is one thing I love about my mother, it's how she knows something is going to happen. Even though she might not be exactly sure what it is, she always plans around it to make everything and everyone more comfortable.

Case and point: Sara and mine's trip to the horse barn.

"Okay, yeah, I'll talk to Sara about what she wants to do. We'll probably just have breakfast and hang here for and hour 'til we set off." I explain, beating around the bush. My mom just smiles as if there is no possible way that I can fool her, but she isn't going to let that show. I just shake my head with a grin, standing up.

"Hey Nicky, c'mon over here and set the table or something." She says, and I grab the syrup on my way over. I grab plates while my mom gets pancakes, and I set them on the table.

We talk about things in the news for five minutes, and I turn my attention to the newspaper.

"Well now, good mornin' Sara!" I hear, and I turn around to see Sara climbing slowly down the stairs. I place the paper on the table and stand up. Sara gives my mom a big hug, and comes over to me.

"Mornin' Sara." I say, and she walks willingly into my arms.

"Good morning." She says, squeezing me tight a minute before stepping back.

"Did you sleep okay?" my mom asks, and I perk up at this question.

Sara catches my eye and smiles broadly.

"Yeah. I slept really well."

My mom smiles.

"Well, I hope y'all are hungry, 'cause there's a stack a pancakes a mile high here, and someone has to eat'em."

"I'm sure Nick can take them on." Sara winks and my mouth drops in shock.

"Who is that talking? The human garbage disposal? Or was it little Miss. Piglet I hear?" I tease, and she smiles and punches me lightly.

"Nah, from personal experience, I was thinking it was Mr. Got-any-more…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- Sara's Point Of View -

Breakfast was excellent. I've never had real homemade blueberry pancakes. They're good. I bet Nick had them a lot when he was a kid.

"Nothin' like a good stack a pancakes huh Sar?" He asks, and his accent makes me chuckle. He shoves a forkful in his mouth, and looks at me strangely as I apply a large amount of syrup to my pancakes.

He swallows and points his fork at my food.

"Ya'll want a little pancake with that syrup?" he asks me, and I deadpanned.

"What?" he asks.

"Fine then I guess I should find out whose are better huh?" I laugh at him as I steal a bite of his pancakes.

"Hey! Give that-" he tries grabs my arm, trying to retrieve it, but I smile as I manage to pop the bite into my mouth.

"Nicholas!" Nick's mom yells, and Nick freezes on the spot.

"Leave that poor girl alone! I'm sure she'd like to eat her pancakes in PEACE without you disrupting her." She shakes a finger at him. He tries to bite back a smile as I grin at him and chew satisfactorily.

"Now, I am leaving to go see your sister in the hospital. She's at Lakewood Local, so come on by when y'all are done and ready. I'm sure the rest of the family will be there, so hurry on up." she adds, and we both nod.

"Goodbye Sara dear. I'm sure the whole family will love you, and if you tell them Nick is mistreating you, they'll love to hurt him." she winks at me, and I wonder what her definition of 'Nick mistreating me' really is.

'Cause it sounded like the 'dating' kind.

I blow it off and smile at her, and Nick does too.

"Bye ma. We'll see ya later." He gives her a short wave. She waves back, and the next thing we hear is the door shutting and the garage opening.

Now, I'll admit it. I expected a long, awkward silence to reign over Nick and I after Nick's mom left. What, between what had transpired the previous night between us, how Nick knew about me crying in the car, and the raw feeling that we were having after both having wounds open, new or old, I figured there was no way that damned silence was avoidable.

"So, are you gonna back out on our horse visit?" Nick asked, and I smiled. That wasn't such a bad way to start our conversation. I pushed a slice of pancake around on my plate, not intent on eating it.

"No. I'm not a chicken." I said, my voice edged in defensiveness as I continued to stare at my plate. All the sudden, a fork invades my view of the table, and Nick plucks the last piece of pancake off my plate and into his mouth. I look up at him and smirk, he beams back.

"Hey, you owe me." he says with that hundred-caret smile. I blush and look away again.

"Yeah, I guess I did." I nod, our eyes connecting. I smile softly at him, and he winks. My stomach flutters, and I stare once again at my plate.

"Okay, I'll clean up. You go put your shoes on. We're going to the barn." He says, and I nod, standing up as he lifts my plate.

"Thanks you." I say, in regards him cleaning.

"No problem." He says, not facing me as he cleans the dishes.

I smile, just smiling to myself, and walk to where my shoes are. I hope tennis shoes are okay, because that about all I've got, besides one pair of sandals. As I sit on a bench and tie my shoes, I listen to Nick whistling, and once again, a smile creeps onto my face. It is a little unbelievable that I am going down to see Nick's horses, on Nick's farm, in Texas. I'd say it's about as unbelievable as…oh…say….Nick kissing me.

Ha ha. Oh yeah.

That's already happened.

I grin to myself, not quite able to take the huge smile off my face at the thought of Nick and that kiss.

"Smilin' again! God Sara, what you got up your sleeve that's makin' you smile more than a laughin' baby?" Nick teases as he comes to sit next to me. I purse my lips and try to stop smiling, but to no prevail.

"Don't try and hide it, you look pretty when you smile." Nick complements. I blush slightly, and feel my heart flutter and my stomach do the same as I speak next.

"Yeah, well that makes two of us." I say, feeling courageous enough to compliment him back. He smiles and ties his shoes. I can't help but awe in the easy, carefree way Nick flirts, and how effortlessly he accepts being flirted with.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He's probably been flirted with his whole life.

I finish tying my shoes and stand up. I stretch, hearing my back crack easily. Nick finishes putting his shoes on as well, and stands up next to me. He motions with his head to the sliding door, near where we had eaten.

"Shall we?" he asks, and I laugh lightly.

"We shall." I say, walking in front of him out the door, and turning and waiting for him as he slides them shut. We walk down a gradual hill until we meet a huge barn door. Nick walks over to a handle and grips it.

"You ready?" he asks me, and I nod. He smiles, and pulls on the handle. The door slides open, and a loud sound of heavy feet pounding and the nicker of horses fill the air.


	8. A Horse Of Course

- Nick's Point Of View -

I slid the barn doors open, and the sound of heavy feet pounding and horses neighing and nickering filled the air. My eyes shot to Sara, and I watched her take a step back.

I flipped the light switch, and each and every horse's head popped out from inside its stall. I smiled and breathed deeply; there truly is nothing like the smell of a horse stable.

"Nick…" Sara whimpered, and I went over to her, and placed my hand on the small of her back.

"They don't look so happy to see us." She said in the same tone, tensing up and wringing her hands.

"Hey, now you have the complete wrong idea. They're excited to see us, they haven't gone out yet today and they're a little bored, all cooped up in here." I say, but my attempt at reassurance seems to have no affect on Sara.

I step in front of her, and hold a finger in front of her lips, stopping her from talking. Her mouth opens and closes, and she looks into my eyes.

"You trust me right?" I ask, and she nods. I smile.

I turn and walk to a stall in the middle of the barn and pet Shiloh, the horse that I have loved since the day he and I met. He also happens to be the nicest, easiest horse here, perfect for Sara.

I turn back towards Sara with a large grin on my face. "C'mon, he won't hurt ya…" I say, my hand outstretched for Sara to catch. She looks around and groans a little, before walking towards me. I smile gently as she reaches me, immediately taking my hand in hers. Shiloh lets out a deep breath, and she jumps back in surprise.

"I told you he doesn't like me…" she insists, a moderate amount of fear flashing in her eyes. I squeeze her hand gently, and pull her towards the horse.

"He's just trying to smell you; it's their way of getting to know who you are. Here, come on the side so he can see all of you." I say, letting go of her hand to push her hip to the side. She steps to the left, now only inches directly in front of me. I smile, and try to push down the raging amounts of testosterone that having her in such close proximity is sending coursing through my body. Instead, I focus on Shiloh's wise old eye, and tell him wordlessly to be good.

"Go on, pet him. He won't do anything." I say squeezing her hip slightly, and wondering if she's about to turn and yell at me for it. But she smiles a little, and I relax, using my other hand to pet the horse in front of us.

"He's such a nice boy, aren't you Shi?" I say, stroking his face affectionately, trying to show Sara the obvious calmness of the horse. She turns and looks at me, and I smile at her worried, yet determined face.

"He won't hurt'cha. You know I wouldn't let you pet a horse that I thought might hurt'cha." I encourage her, and she smiles and nods.

"Of course you wouldn't…" she says, incredibly softly. I smile, motioning with my head towards the horse. She takes a deep breath, and nods her head in determination. She turns slowly, and faces Shiloh once again. I put both hands on her hips, letting her know I'm still here, and it's still okay.

Her hand reaches out slowly; Shiloh's wise eye following it's every movement. Her fingertips touch the fur of his cheek, and she waits. I smile at him as he remains stationary, and her fingers touch his fur. He remains still. Her palm, and then her entire hand run along his cheekbone, in a steady, fixed path, and Shiloh relaxes. She lets out the breath she was holding, and lets a little bit of a laugh come with it.

Shiloh starts to close his eyes, feeling the tension in the air dissipate and knowing his duty was complete. I smile and watch the interaction, as Sara's fright slowly melts away. She gains courage, and starts tracing the rest of his face with both her hands. I laugh a little as Shiloh's eyes close, thoroughly enjoying the attention. Out of the blue, he opens his mouth and his tongue comes out and stretches, in a kind of horse yawn. He catches Sara by surprise, and out of instinct, she stepped back.

This causes a number of things to happen.

Firstly, this action allowed Sara's entire back to be pressed flush against my front. I don't think it's necessary to reiterate what amount of hormones went rushing through my body.

Secondly, since my hands were on Sara's hips, and she stepped back without warning, my hands slid to a lower, slightly more…private place of Sara's anatomy. Let's just say my hands have certainly never been there before, and that wasn't helping my hormones slow down by any means.

Lastly, it's common nature that when you step back in fright, your hands automatically fall to your sides. But, I'm guessing since my arms were in the way, Sara's instinct decided to put her hands on top of mine. This factored largely into the silence that overcame us after our realization of what had just happened, and in what sort of position we were, sunk in.

Shiloh opened his eyes again, and I swear I could have caught the hint of a smile, he was laughing at me, and what position I was in.

"Nick…I…" Sara said, still frozen to the spot. I took a deep breath and gritted my teeth, trying to prevent this moment from getting five times more awkward. I think Sara knew what I was doing, but I'm not sure.

"It's okay. Just relax." I say calmly as I move my hands to her hips once again. She breathes in and out and looks back at me.

"I'm so sorry…I didn't know what he was doing so I guess I freaked." She explains, and I smile. She gets so worried over the littlest things sometimes.

"It's okay Sar. He likes you a lot. He was very comfortable, just sittin' there gettin' pet. You made him the envy of the barn. All the other horses want that new, pretty girl to come pet them." I say, doing my best to lighten the mood. Sara blushes and turns back to Shiloh.

"So he wasn't trying to bite me or anything?" she asks tentatively. I chuckle.

"Nah, he wasn't. Just talk to him if you're scared. He's like a big baby." I say.

"Okay…" she says, and reaches out for Shiloh again, this time much more confident. His head turns toward her, and she almost pulls away.

"Hi there Shiloh…" She says, nervousness wrapping around the confidence in her voice. I smile; she's pretty brave to be facing such an obvious fear.

"Hey Sar, what made you so afraid of horses anyway?" I ask, seeking out opportunity to make her feel more relaxed.

"Nothing in particular really," she thinks out loud, "I guess, they were always bigger than me, and had such incredible power, I was afraid of them."

"Well," I say, trailing my left hand across her waist as I slipped out from behind her, "you seem to be catching on quite quickly."

Her eyes widen as I lean on Shiloh's stall, on the other side of his head, letting her stand alone.

Shiloh's head turns and looks at me, and I pet him and chuckle.

"What?" Sara asks as Shiloh nuzzles the side of my face.

"Shiloh's thanking me for bringing a hot girl down to the barn to see him."

Sara blushes and purses her lips in her daily effort to control her smiles. As of yet, she's been completely unsuccessful.

"He was one of your best friends, wasn't he?" she asked, reaching out to pet Shiloh as he again turns to her.

I nod. "Still is. I think that makes about eleven best friends I have."

Sara raises an eyebrow, questioning the identities of the people.

"Well, there's him, you," she blushes as I continue, "Catherine, Rick, and Gris, mom, my brother, Simeon, Lightning, Matt, and my dad."

Her brow furrows.

"Simeon…"

I smile. "Frat bro." She rolls her eyes at me, still unconsciously petting Shiloh.

"Matt?"

"Best friend through high school and college." I say, and she grins.

"Lightning?"

"Two stalls down." I say, pointing my thumb to the right. She smiles.

"No offense, but I've had enough horses for one day. I think I might head up without having the pleasure of meeting Lightning." She jokes, and I nod.

"That's okay. Lightening is the kind of horse I'm listing in the 'Might hurt you' category." I say, quite truthfully. He tends to bite anyone he doesn't know.

She smiles.

"Thanks for looking out for me."

"Always am."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- Sara's Point Of View -

I smile at Nick's comment, and take what he says to heart. He really is always watching out for me.

"Ready to head up?" I ask, trying to sound as optimistic as possible about going to the hospital, given the circumstances.

He nods slowly, and looks at Shiloh, petting his friend without making a move towards the barn door. I know exactly what he's feeling right now. He loves his sister, and he wants to see him, but he doesn't want to see her so beat up. It's hard to see someone you love so dearly in such a bad state.

I smile gently and step closely to Nick, taking his hand. His gaze meets mine, and suddenly, I feel incredibly nervous, excited, and in love. He leans over and kisses my cheek tenderly.

"We'll talk later." He whispers in my ear, and I nod, knowing that putting another thing on Nick's mind is probably the last thing he needs right now.

"I'm sorry…" I say, looking away, trying to keep the slight amount of hurt that I am feeling out of my voice. Nick's fingers gently come to my chin and direct my eyes toward his. The feel of his thumb caressing my cheek gently sends chills through my body, and I hold on to his forearm.

"Don't worry; it's a good talk Sar. I think we just need to lay our cards on the table." Nick assures me, and I smile broadly. I give him a quick kiss, pecking his cheek. When I back away, he beams at me for all he's worth and I laugh, hugging him close to me and walking backwards in his embrace. We stumble around for a little before I stop and look into his eyes.

I can't help but feel how movie like this whole thing is with him. Heck, we're on a farm, stumbling around hugging, kissing (okay we're not _really_ kissing, but it's a start), and flirting; it just all seems so unreal. As Nick and I walk up to the house, his arm slung around my shoulder, I pinch my thigh, just to make sure I'm not dreaming.

------------------------------------------

**A/N – **

Okay. Well, I have a few comments about the story, and a few about this past Thursday night's actual C.S.I. episode.

Story wise, I'm thinking this story is going to have no more than fifteen chapters, giving me room for about six more.

I know I know, up till now, this story could be rated as G as a Disney movie, but I promise it'll get better. I mean, I can't exactly have these guys making out with Nick's sister situation, and especially with what you're about to find out about Sara.

As for the C.S.I. episode of 1/13/04:

Nicky halba espanol con soltura! Muy sorprende, no? (Translation: Nick speaks fluent Spanish! Very surprising, isn't it?)

OKAY WHAT THE FRICK on the whole Sara/Grissom interaction. Why doesn't she just throw the towel in and give it up? Sara is waaaay to beautiful for Grissom, why doesn't she Nick in the way she sees Grissom?

And is it just me, or does anyone else think Nick and Catherine are getting kinda close lately?

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT EPISODE???? SOMEONE TELL ME!!!

Oh, and review will ya?

Lots-a-love,

The Notorious Cat


	9. The Best Friend I Never Had

"Nick?" I asked, opening Nick's bedroom door and peeking inside. Nick had called his mom, we were going to the hospital to see his sister, and we had supposedly left already. But he was sitting on his bed, looking steadfastly at the floor. When I opened his door, he looked up at me, and then back to the carpet.

I had never seen Nick at a low like this, and it worried me. I walked over to his bed and sat beside him, seating myself very close to him.

"You okay?" I say, knowing he's not, but not wanting to press the issue if he didn't want it pressed.

He looks at me, and our eyes connect momentarily before he returns them to the ground before him. Then, silently, and even more tenderly, he slides his hand to my lap, resting at mid-thigh. A shiver shoots through my body, and Nick feels it. His hand's position remains the same, but his fingers dip between my legs, cupping my thigh. A smile tugs at my lips, and I don't even attempt to stop it as I place my hand on top of his.

"It sucks, ya know? She's my sister…I don't know if I can do it. I won't make it without crying, and I can't do that in front of her when she needs me to be strong." He says, still staring at the floor. I look at the ground too, and memories come flooding back to me…back when I was feeling the same exact thing, but ten times worse.

"Nick, I know…I know what you're feeling. Just remember, that your sister cares as much about you as you do about her. You both haven't seen each other in a while, and while the circumstances are really crappy, hey, she's going to be okay. I'm sure all she wants to see is you."

He turns to me, and before I get a chance to react, he kisses my cheek and gently squeezes my thigh. I smile, and I allow my eyes to connect with his. That's one thing I have noticed; being around Nick is never awkward.

"…Thanks Sara." He says, and I nod in a way that says 'anytime'. I squeeze his forearm, and motion with my head towards the door.

"You ready?" I ask, smiling reassuringly at him when I see a smile tug at his lips. He lets the smile spread, standing up and taking my hands. I look up at him and stand as he envelopes me in a hug. His arms drape around my sides, and I can't help but pull him closer. I love the feeling I get when he hugs me, this sense of security and safeness.

Instead of holding me by the hips as he usually does, both Nick's hands rest at the small of my back. I know this is another one of those subtle moves that shows our increasing closeness. His thumb gently caresses my back, and my hands snake around his neck and play a little in his hair. I step into him, inching him closer and breathing out. I feel him kiss the top of my head gently and rest his chin on my head.

"Yeah, I'm ready." He says, "But only 'cause you're here." I smile at his kindheartedness. I feel his hands move, going from the small of my back to my sides.

"Nick…" I say whisper softly, knowing we needed to go, but not really wanting to. I wanted to see where this was going with Nick. The kiss Nick placed on top of my head told me he was thinking the same thing.

Nick took his head off mine, and I picked my own head up from his shoulder. I caught his eye, and what was held within it surprised me. I saw a little passion, a little want, but mostly…love. The kind of love a man has never had for me before. I held his eye, and before I knew what was happening, I felt my eyes closing, and a warm pair of lips pressing gently against my own.

That's right.

I'm kissing Nick Stokes.

For real.

A real kiss.

He broke off, but kissed me again, his head dipping down to allow better access to my mouth. His hands slid southward, landing somewhere between my butt and waist. I smiled against his lips. I have kissed men before, but never has so much ridden on such an innocent kiss.

I let the kiss fade and pull slowly away, opening my eyes and looking at Nick. He smiles anxiously, awaiting my reaction. I smile and look away, trying to keep the blush out of my cheeks.

"Nick we should go…" I say, trying to emphasize the fact that we cannot get into this right now, no matter how much I know I want to. He frowns and looks away, dropping his hands.

I direct his averted eyes back to mine with a hand at his chin. My brow furrows, asking him what is wrong.

"I'm sorry…I screwed up. I shouldn't have done anything without talking to you first. I didn't mean to go too fast or anything…" he says, and I can see his heart literally breaking in his eyes.

"Nick…" I say, cupping his face with both hands, "that's not it at all. I don't want you to miss your sister, and we need to talk about this. But don't worry, I loved kissing you." I smile gently at him, and lean in, planting another kiss on his lips. He responds eagerly, one hand firmly cupping my butt this time. I giggle into his mouth, and he breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes, but keeps his hand steady.

"Laughin' again Sidle! You better watch yourself, or you're gonna turn some guy on with that cute laugh." Nick whispers, kissing the tender spot behind my ear.

"Yeah," I say, my hands on his shoulders and my arms wrapping around his, "that's great, but I only see one guy I'm interested in."

"Watch yourself…" Nick growled slightly, squeezing my butt. I suck in a breath as he does, an intense shudder run throughout my body. Feeling it, Nick holds me close, my front completely flushed against his, and I relax in his arms.

"You're okay with this, huh?" he whispers, as if afraid to hear the answer. I smile, caressing the back of his neck.

"Yeah…yeah I really am." I assure him, and I feel him let out a breath he was obviously holding.

I take my head off Nick's chest, and he looks quizzically at me. I smile and let one hand come to cup his face, my thumb tracing his cheek. I watch his eyes soften and he licks his lips. I feel a rush of intense emotion as he rubs my back gently, and suddenly, I'm struck with the amazing feelings I'm getting from his every touch and caress. Now I know I've screwed this up in the past, and I can't compare it to anything I've ever felt before, but this strange sense was telling me…

…this is love.

- Nick's Point Of View -

As I held Sara in my arms, feeling her hand on my cheeks, and her body pressed against mine, I felt this sense of…I don't even know how I could describe it.

I was calm, but I was freaking out. I felt relaxed, and I wanted to jump all around. I felt at peace, but I wanted to scream and yell.

Maybe…I'm in love with Sara.

Or maybe…I always have been.

I smile, and she smiles back.

"You ready to go?" she asks me gently, her smile fading slightly as her thumb continues to trace my jaw. I think she feels my pain, but I can't imagine how she knows. I hold her closer, squeezing her as she hugs me tight.

"Ready as I'll ever be…" I trail off and she kisses the side of my neck. I never knew that Sara could be this way, so…comforting, so loving. I feel her take her head off my shoulder, and she smiles at me as she steps out of my embrace. Cold air rushes to my chest, furtherly emphasizing her absence.

"C'mon, they're going to wonder where we are." Sara says, and I nod.

We reach for each other's hand at the exact same time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After a fifteen minute car ride, Sara and I get out at Lakewood Local Hospital. Walking along the sidewalk, I notice Sara's unusual closeness. I place a hand at the small of her back and she stops.

"Something wrong?" I ask, my brow furrowing.

She looks away, and I can almost feel a whole new attitude coming over her.

"No…I mean…I don't like hospitals." She says, reciting the last part incredibly quickly and avoiding my eye. I take her hand and she looks from the ground to me. I smile and lean in towards her, kissing her lovingly. She is the sweetest thing my lips have ever tasted, and I relish in it before pulling away.

"I'm still here…" I assure her, and she smiles again. I raise my eyebrows and motion toward the hospital entrance, and she nods. We walk hand in hand through the door, and right up to the counter.

"I'm looking for Kayla Saywell…" I say to the woman seated behind the counter top. She nods and types into the computer, and I look over at Sara. She blushes and looks away with a grin on her face after I squeeze her hand.

The receptionist smiles as her eyes dart from the computer screen to the two of us.

"Room 203, sir. It's on the second floor; the elevator is just to your left." She smiles, and points us in the right direction. I smile and nod my thanks to her, tugging gently at Sara's hand as I lead her in the right direction. Again, I notice Sara walking close to me, way closer than normal. Something is scaring her, and my instinct is telling me it's the fact we're in a hospital.

Something strikes me as we walk into the elevator, and my hand curls around Sara's waist, pulling her side and mine close together.

"Hey Sar?"

"Yeah?" she replies, putting her head on my shoulder.

"What do you want me to tell my family? I mean…who should I introduce you as?" I said, beating around the bush. I wanted to see Sara's reaction, and her response to potentially being my 'official' girlfriend. She thought this over for a minute before picking her head up and looking at me.

I stared deep into Sara's eyes. I saw in them hurt, and worry, and fear. I know she has been hurt in the past, and she's scared to be hurt again. I know that she, as well as I, is thinking that she doesn't want to lose one of her best friends over a relationship. But I also saw in her eyes need, and want, and love, and hope. And I knew that those feelings were stronger than the others, but they needed time to grow. So I waited for her answer.

"I'm still your best friend, right?" she asked tentatively, and I knew at this point, she wasn't positive what I felt, or what she felt. She had a sad look on her face, as if she thought I would take it the wrong way.

"Of course you are…" I stated firmly, kissing the top of her forehead. I squeezed her hips and motioned with my head towards the now opening elevator door. She took my hand again, and I looked over at her and smiled. We walked silently down the hall, and the task at hand dawned on me once again.

I could tell that Sara was still affected by the fact that we were in a hospital, but something was different. She had gotten…worse somehow. I wondered what she was thinking about…maybe my sister…

"Nicky…" she said, putting her hand on my forearm and breaking me out of my daze. I stopped beside her.

"What baby?" I said, calling her baby by an accidental impulse. I really didn't mean to, it just slipped out, and I worried she wouldn't like it, so I tried to correct it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

But she stopped me, smiling and putting her hand on my chest. "It's okay." She said, pursing her lips to try and stop the smile.

I wondered right then if anyone, anyone at all, had ever called her baby.

"We're just…we're at the room." She points to a room just a few feet from where we stand.

Room 203.

I looked away, and she kissed my cheek, squeezing my hand. I took a deep breath, and looked her straight in the eye.

"Sara…thank you for being her for me. I never knew how much I needed someone…I mean…" I say, cupping her cheek, "how much I needed you." I caressed the back of her hand, and we shared a simple kiss before she motioned towards the door. I nodded solemnly afterwards, curling her hair behind her ear. I was tempted to take her hand, but I knew that once I did, I wouldn't want to let go, and my family wasn't supposed to think we were together.

I motioned towards the door, and we walked towards it together.

- Sara's Point Of View -

He turned the handle, and opened it.

"Nicky!" I heard a woman's voice, and Nick walked quickly over to the bed to see his sister. They both started crying, and watching them hug and exclaim brought a tear to my eye. I wiped it away and watched Nick.

"Kay…oh my Lord you gave us all such a scare hunny! What were you doing?" Nick asked, crying tears of joy at his sister being okay. He hugged her again, since she was in an upright position. I could hear him whispering to her, asking what she was doing and telling her he loved her. I smiled.

"Nicky where have you been? We never see you 'round here, we miss you! Why don't you come on home and bring-"she stopped, seeing me, "…and bring a girl."

Kayla smiled broadly at me, and I smiled at her.

"Who's this Nick?" Kayla said, raising her eyebrows, and instantly, I felt every pair of eyes in the room come to rest on me. Nick saw my uneasiness, and I shifted uncomfortably. He motioned for me to come over to him, and I gladly did. His hands rested on my hips as I stood before him, and more than one eyebrow rose.

"Kayla…everyone…this is Sara." Nick introduced, and smiles came to the faces of who I assumed to be the Stokes women.

"Sara who? Sara girlfriend? Sara fiancée? Sara wife?" exclaimed one of the ladies.

Nick chuckled and so did I at the wife comment.

"No, Sammy, actually, this is Sara, best friend Sara." Nick corrects, but I can see that we are not going to convince anyone that we aren't dating.

"Sara…these are my sisters Kayla, Samantha, and Lindsay, along with my brother Mark. And, you already know Mom…" He introduces, and I hug the girls and shake hands with Mark. When I reach Kayla, I give her a tight hug as another tear runs down my face. Nick's brow furrows, questioning me silently. I shake my head and wipe my tears.

"Why you cryin' hun?" Kayla asks me, and I just shake my head.

"I'll tell you later." I whisper in her ear, and she nods. I don't know why, but I trust her immediately, and I know she'll understand what I'm going to tell her.

"Nicky, how's work and everything?" his sister Lindsay asks. I sit on the bed next to Nick as he talks to everyone, going and giving them hugs and slapping his brother on the back. I talk to Kayla only, and I get to know her quite well, given the time frame. An hour passes, and I am surprised at how much I learn about everyone. Although Kayla was my favorite, Lindsay and Sammy were growing on me. We gossiped about things in entertainment news for a bit, all crowding around Kayla's bed.

Right after Sammy left, Nick came to check on me.

"Are you okay Sara?" he asked, and I shook my head no. He frowned, and pulled me into a light hug, as to not raise suspicion.

"We'll talk later, right?" he whispered in my ear, and I whispered my agreement back to him. I knew most of the eyes were probably on us, but the chatter continued, so I didn't pay much attention.

Once he got up, I turned back to Kayla. She smiled knowingly, and I blushed, feeling my cheeks turn hot. Kayla didn't say a word about it, she just moved on to our conversation.

I relished in the time I spent with the family. Their closeness amazed me. I talked most of the time with Kayla, getting to know her better. By the time Lindsay had left, I felt like she was the best friend I never had, but always needed. When his brother went to walk his mother to the car, Nick came to talk with the two of us for a while, sitting behind me as I faced Kayla. She watched our interaction with amusement, raising an eyebrow as Nick sat close to me with one hand on my hip, the other on the bed, right next to my leg.

"How are things over here?" he said, oblivious to the fact his sister was picking up on the chemistry between us, if she didn't already know.

Which I think she does.

"Not much Nicky…" she said, and I nodded in agreement. We smiled at each other, and Nick took his sister's hand in his.

"I'm so happy you're okay Kayla. I'm not sure what I would have done…" he trailed off, and I leaned back on him for a little support. Kayla smiled at him, and squeezed his hand. I know all three pairs of eyes watered at that moment.

"I love you so much Kay…" Nick said, squeezing my hip slightly as he got up to give her a big hug. She smiled and wiped tears from her eyes.

"I love you too Nicky…" she said as he released his hold on her. He looked back at me, and I nodded, motioning to the bed in front of me. He smiled and sat down, talking to his sister closely, I stare at his back, trying to resist touching him.

I almost succeeded.

I couldn't help myself. I reached out and started to rub his back.

First, tentatively. Only small parts of his upper shoulder. He relaxed and turned his head sideways to look at me. I met his eyes, and he smiled broadly at me before turning back to his sister. His shoulders were tense, so I squeezed and rubbed them with circular motions. He relaxed, rolling his shoulders back. I smiled and continued down his back, pushing and rolling the kinks out of it.

"Sara…" he finally said after five minutes, "that feels so nice…where'd you learn it?"

I shrug as he turns around enough to see me.

"I don't know, picked it up somewhere along the line."

Just then the door opened, and Mark popped his head into the room.

"Hey, somebody wanna go grab some food?" he asked, and Nick perked up.

"Oh, that's nice." Kayla exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air. "Leave me the gross food why don't we?"

"Sorry sis, but hell yeah, I'm starved. Sara?" Nick turned to me. I took a quick glance at Kayla, and knew this was my chance to be alone with her to talk.

"Umm…no, that's okay. I think I'll stay here. Kayla needs _someone_ after all…"

Nick looked at me, puzzled. His brow furrowed, but I smiled and made a shooing motion with my hand.

"Okay Sar. I'll see y'all later." Nick said, and Mark kissed his sister and gave me a friendly hug.

"I'll see you gals tomorrow?" he said, and I smiled and nodded.

"See you." I said, and he nodded.

"Bye Markie!" Kayla exclaimed. And with that, they were out the door.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Author's Note –

Okay, so this is half filler chapter, half not. I promised you sister action in this chapter, and you got it. SO be happy, lol

I know I know, we still don't know 'THE BIG SECRET', but by next chapter, that all will have changed. And believe me, this isn't the usual 'Sara was raped' secret either. I can personally assure you that you haven't heard this 'secret' before.

I'm already five pages into the next chapter, so don't worry, it'll be up by this time next week, or even before. Check around Monday.

I wonder, sometimes, what people think of this story. DON'T MAKE ME WONDER!! TELL ME!!!

So much love (but a lot more to the people who review…)

The Notorious Cat


	10. This Thing I've Kept Inside

I didn't know exactly what to say to Kayla. I'm no good at one on one confrontation, and I was about to share my deepest, darkest secret with her.

She was going to be the first person I voluntarily told.

I scooted up to her, close so she could see me well. She smiled at me, and some of the tension flew.

"What you said before, about telling me later, this is big isn't it." She asked, but it sounded like a statement.

I nodded.

"Really big?" she asked, and I nodded again and looked away, biting my lip.

"C'mon Sara, it's just you and me now. Girl to girl."

I smiled at her.

"I've never shared this with anyone Kayla, so try to understand…it's hard. You'll be the first one that I tell by my own choice…no one knows." I said, and she gave me a sad smile.

"Not Nick?" she said, and I shook my head slowly. She took a deep breath, and looked at me, waiting.

"I didn't tell him because…because…I'm afraid it'll affect what he thinks of me…" I admit, saying it out loud for the first time. She frowns.

"Nick's an understanding person Sara, and not one quick to judge…" she pointed out calmly. There was no defensiveness in her voice, just reason.

"I know he is…but…I don't know if he'll understand. Not as well as you will." I say truthfully, on the verge of tears. I hug myself and take a deep breath. Kayla pats the side of my arm in a way that says 'you can tell me'.

"I was fifteen when this happened. I had a brother…Nick doesn't know about him either…but um, yeah. He was seventeen when this happened. My mother, she raised us on her own after dad died. I was young, nine when he passed, and my mother was recovering from a drinking problem. She…she…" I tried, but I couldn't get it out, and the tears came. Kayla started to cry too, but I took a deep breath and continued.

"She did the best she could, and my brother was a saint, perfect child, hung with the right people, the works. One day…one day he was driving home from a basketball game and…oh God…he was hit." I cried, the tears running down my face in several streaks.

"By a drunk driver…" Kayla finished for me. I nodded, and she motioned for me to give her a hug. I did, crying into her shoulder. She consoled me, rubbing my back with soothing noises. After what seemed like forever, but was minutes at most, I pulled away. I grabbed the Kleenex box from her bedside table, and we wiped our eyes.

"I'm so sorry Sara…" she said, and I nodded, but held a hand up when opened her mouth to speak again.

"No, please. Wait. I have to get this all out at once." I said.

She nodded. "I understand."

"Well, my brother died form the car crash. My mother…she went into zombie mode. All she did was drink. I tried to bury myself in my school work, you know, to get away," and she nodded, "but it wasn't enough. I'd still hear her crying; hear her smacking things against the wall and waking up sick in the morning. But I kept going. Eventually, child services heard about me, and I was taken when I was just sixteen. I went through house after house; I don't know how I made it. I was never the same again…" I finished, and one last sob escaped Kayla. I hugged her tightly, and she hugged back. We cried for a while again, just taking comfort in crying with someone else.

When I finally pulled away, another five minutes had passed. Kayla smiled and grabbed another tissue.

"That's the saddest story I've ever heard…" she said, and I smiled half-heartedly and looked away.

"You're an amazing woman Sara. I don't think I would have the strength to go through all this without my family, but you…I can't believe it. You're a hero…" she said, and I hugged her again, touched by her kind words.

"It's been so hard, not to mention on my love life. The experience left me with no trust of people, and it's been hard on my relationships…" I said, and Kayla patted my hand.

"Well…I think you've found a winner in Nick." She said.

"What do you mean?" I looked away, pretending to not have a clue what she was talking about.

"He loves you Sara." She stated simply. There was no smile on her face, no trace of a lie or a fib, just truth. I shook my head and she chuckled.

"You're damn wrong. I can see it in his eyes, in the way he acts around you. He doesn't have to take you right here on the floor in front of me for me to pick up on what my baby brother is thinking. Although…I think that floor ordeal might have crossed his mind in some form or another…" she said, and I playfully smacked her arm.

"Yeah, right. We're best friends…besides, he wouldn't love me. He could do so much better…" I said. I can't tell if that slipped out of my mouth, or if my brain was telling me to tell Kayla what I was thinking, because I haven't had any girl talk in quite a long time.

"What are you talk- …Oh…so that's why he doesn't know about this whole thing…" she said, the pieces clicking together in her head. I looked away, embarrassed.

"Sara…oh dear Lord…he loves you. He loves you! What happened in your past is not going to change what he thinks about you…Tell him. Tonight, just tell him. And watch him if he doesn't cry. Listen to me Sara, Nicky is in love with you. I can see the concern in his eye when he sees you crying. So trust me. Trust him. Trust your heart Sara, 'cause I know you love him too." She said, and I smiled, big and broad. Somehow, Kayla read me like a book. I gave her another hug; I couldn't help myself.

"Are you my guardian angel?"

-

Nick arrived back about ten minutes later. In that time, there had definitely had been some more tears, but surprisingly there had been other things too.

Jokes.

Smiles.

Laughter.

He finally did some in, and I turned as I heard the door open. He was smiling, but as soon as he saw my red, tear streaked face, his smile fell and I got up.

"Oh my God Sara, are you okay?" he asked, and I shook my head no. He took me in his arms, and I sniffled, feeling a tear run down my face. I clutched his neck tightly, and he held me with the same force. I felt him caress my back, and I knew that Kayla would see it.

And I know she'll smile.

Maybe she's right.

Maybe he does love me.

- Nick's Point Of View -

I held Sara close, searching Kayla's eyes for what might have transpired while I was gone. They revealed nothing, but a tear slipped down her cheek as she saw Sara come into my embrace. I kissed Sara's shoulder, and a sob wracked her small frame. I held her even closer, wishing that I knew what was going on and what had happened that could make Sara this upset.

Sara's head left my shoulder, and I met her red eyes. Three tears slipped silently down her cheeks, and I brought one hand to her face, cupping her cheek. My thumb wiped away her tears, and she smiled at me. Then I remembered.

Kayla.

I quickly took my hand away, and loosened my grip on Sara. She smiled, and stepped close to me again, picking up on what I was thinking after watching my eyes dart to Kayla.

"She knows Nick." Sara whispered audibly. My brow furrowed for a minute as I processed this, but at the sound of Kayla's laugh, I just broke into a wide smile.

"What?" I asked, as Sara turned in my arms to face Kayla. I secretly loved the fact that Sara made no effort to move away, she just let my hands slide across her middle until they stopped on her stomach. I pressed her back into my front, letting my arms cross in front of her and my hands rest on either side of her body.

My thumbs caressed her sides, and I barely felt the sides of both her breasts. Sara shivered and stepped back into me, wanting to be closer. This allowed my thumbs access to more of her curves, and I smiled.

"How was lunch Nick?" Kayla asked me as I tried to keep from smiling. Sara blushed as I rested my head on top of hers.

"It was good, I was starving.." I said, and Sara huffed.

"You're always hungry…" She said, a real smile gracing her face. It was the first one I'd seen since I had gotten back.

"Why don't you two take off?" Kayla said, and I saw a slight twinkle in her eye. "I'm sure you have other things to do besides sitting around here all day…"

I smiled. Damn right I'd like to be doing something else…

But Sara turned to me and looked into my eyes. I knew something big was going to happen. I can't say what it was, but maybe it will finally answer my questions. Or reveal why she is who she is. I couldn't be sure, but from the way she was looking at me, I knew there were more tears to come.

"Yeah, it sounds like a good idea to me…" I said calmly, not wanting to alarm Sara. She smiled, and another tear rolled down her cheek. Again, I brushed it away, and the look of pure adoration on her face astounded me.

I motioned with my head towards the room exit, and she nods. After a smile, she backs out of my embrace and walks over to my sister.

They whisper something between them, Sara sitting close to Kayla and leaning over to tell her something. I smile…leave it to Kayla to have an instant connection with Sara.

I watch as Kayla and Sara interact, hoping to pick up on something that will tell me what had them both so upset before. Sara is acting nervous, and Kayla reassures her with a pat on her arm. The two women hug, and Sara comes back over to me.

"I'll meet you in the hall, okay?" Sara says, and I smile and nod. Her courtesy is well appreciated; I needed a moment alone with my sister. I give her hand a gentle squeeze as she turns one last time to through a smile at Kayla before heading out.

I walk over to Kayla's bed, sitting near my sister.

"Is she okay?" I ask Kayla, and Kayla smiles, biting her lip as if to stop herself from spilling a secret.

"She will be." Kayla says, and I roll my eyes at her vagueness. She shrugs, and I roll my eyes again.

"C'mon, tell me what's going on…I'm just looking out for her." I say, and this makes Kayla smile broadly, and she clamps down hard on her lip.

"Nicky, just talk to her. And wait for her to talk to you. When you two do sit down, just be there for her, that's all she's looking for. She needs you. And maybe…you need her too." She says, and my confusion only grows. I try to question her further, but she just shakes her head and motions toward the door.

"Nick, I love you. I love you so much. But right now, right this second, I'm not the one who needs you. The woman who needs you is standing right outside that door. So go. I'll still be here when you come back." Kayla said, and I nodded, still not any wiser as to why Sara was upset. But I knew my older sister was trying to help me without giving anything away, and I appreciated what she was doing. I pulled her into a hug.

"I'm glad you're okay." I told her, and she squeezed me tight a moment before letting me go. I gave her a sad smile and she motioned toward the door.

"I'm glad you came down Nicky. I've missed you so much." She says and I smiled and nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I asked, and she gave me a big grin.

"Goodnight." I said, and we shared a smile as I walked out of the room. She waved from behind the closed door, and I waved back before she grinned and motioned for me to go away. I beamed at her before turning around.

Sara was standing about ten yards away watching me intently. She smiled through teary eyes as she watched me, and I tilted my head slightly to question her. We walked toward each other, and I took her in my arms. She buried her face in my neck, sighing. I held her extremely close and sighed as well, knowing this was most likely going to be a big, long, important night.

-

Back at the house, Sara and I discovered a note on the door.

_'Went over to Sammy's house to see the kids. I'll stay for dinner, probably be home 7:30-8:00 ish. Have a good time. Love Ma."_

Sara smiled, and I smiled back. I knew Sara, and I knew Sara well. That's the reason this whole situation was scaring me so much. She had completely opened herself up to my sister, exposing her weaker side to a person she barely knew, let alone trusted. For her, that's just crazy talk. My mind was beeping in alarm mode, but I kept a cool on the outside, not wanting to add to the pressure Sara was obviously already feeling.

Sara kicked off her shoes, and I did the same. She took my hand and led me to the couch.

"Nick," she said, "there's something very important that I have to tell you."

-

A note –

OH! CLIFFHANGER!

Now, as I'm sure all of you highly intelligent fanfiction reviewers know, the only way to find the conclusion of your cliffhanger is to review.

So do just that and make me happy.

Well, if you really want to make me happy in your revew, tell me that you're the writer of C.S.I., and you're going to write Sara and Nick falling in love on the show because you've been inspired my me. Then you're going to give me all the credentials to the show.

Okay…so maybe I'm being a _little _unrealistic.

Just a little. -

OMG OMG OMG OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS WEEKS EPISODE? Yeah, I guess it wasn't that shocking, seeing as how the stuff about Sara has been circulationg around forever, but oh well. Stuff we predict never happens on the show, so maybe the writers look here for ideas…Hey, you guys want an idea?

N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S N/S

Just an idea.

Speaking of ideas, tell me what you thought of this episode in your review. I'd love to hear it.

The Notorious Cat


	11. Truly At Peace

Note –

Caution – This chapter is very powerful and contains a lot of raw emotion on both Nick and Sara's part. I'm sorry if I didn't capture it well, but cut me some slack. I'm fifteen.

I also am aware of the fact that this is a little bit shorter of a chapter than you are probably accustomed to reading from me, but believe me; it packs just as much emotional punch as a twelve-pager would.

Love From –

The Notorious Cat

-

- Sara's Point Of View -

I took a deep breath and just looked at Nick. He watched me closely, waiting for me to be ready. I wondered what he had talked to Kayla about. I knew she hadn't told him about my brother, but I knew she had probably hinted that I had something important to tell him.

I dropped my head, biting my lip and staring at our joined hands. I felt Nick scoot closer to me and kiss the side of my head, but still, I did not meet his eye. He sighed, and I knew he was frustrated. I felt my eyes start to water and I closed them; any and all insecurities I have ever had were rushing at me faster than a raging river.

"Sara, it's okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me." he said. I nodded, my eyes still closed and my head tilted downwards. He curled my hair behind my ear to see my face, and realized I was on the verge of tears.

"Hey…It's just me baby…it's okay…" he said, trying to comfort me. But he only made it worse. He called me baby again. I wasn't his baby. He didn't love me, and the last thing I needed was to hear him call me a pet name. I was going to tell him something that was going to expose me for who I really was…for the _worthless tramp_ I really was. I continued to look downwards, knowing that if I looked at him, all I would see was what I would never have; I would see what I was missing.

"Sara…c'mon, I know this must be hard for you, whatever this is…but I need to know…I care about you-" he said, but suddenly I stood up, anger flaring inside me. I looked at him, feeling the tears stream down my face as I screamed.

"NO! No you don't! Nick just stop, you don't care. I know who I am, I know what I look like, and I know who you are and what you look like. I am not who you want Nick! We don't fit, we don't match! And even if you did care, even just a little bit, it doesn't matter, because after I tell you this, it's going to crush any feelings you could possibly have. It's only going to make me uglier, so just shut up. Just shut up…" I said, falling onto the couch opposite him.

Then they came.

All the tears gushing forth, and I folded my knees in front of my chest, sitting alone on the couch and crying. Alone, that's how it would always be for me. Ugly and alone. So I closed my eyes, rested my head on my knees, and cried.

Suddenly, I felt arms wrap around me.

Nick was pulling me to him. I fought blindly with him, not wanting to give in to my true feelings. I just wanted things to go wrong now, so they wouldn't go wrong later, and I wouldn't be left to pick up the pieces. But Nick didn't give up, he held tight to me until I was sitting on top of him as he sat on the couch. I wanted to get up, I wanted to leave so badly…but I couldn't bring myself to move. I cried into his neck, just letting all the feelings I had had over the past thirteen years pour out. I was angry…oh so angry.

Nick was whispering something to me, but I couldn't hear what he said. He held me close, refusing to let go as I wriggled and hit his chest. He just held me, whispering soothingly.

Finally, my sobs started to taper off. I didn't look at Nick; I just folded my hands and looked down at them as Nick rubbed my back. I didn't know what I felt either, it seemed like a mixture of shame and guilt and fear.

"Oh my God…" Nick whispered, squeezing me tightly and scooting me closer. He looked down at me, and for the first time, I met his eye.

His hair and shirt were ruffled from grabbing hold of me, his neck was damp from where I had sobbed, but his eyes were what caught my attention. His eyes were dull and broken and red. Nick had cried because of me…with me…for me. My jaw dropped a little as I brought a hand up to cup his cheek, wiping away at the tear streaks that remained.

"Sara…" he breathed, watching me intently with a look of pure despair on his face.

"You have no idea do you?" he asked in disbelief, "Sara, how could you think those things? Do you actually think that I would use you like that? I…You…Sara, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met, how could you think that I was just using you, that I don't even care? Forget caring…Sara, I love you!"

It took me a moment to process what he had said.

"What did you say?" I whispered, afraid to hear the answer for fear I might have heard wrong.

He smiled, wiping away the tears streaming down my face.

"I love you." He replied, and I smiled. Nick's lips came softly down to meet my own, and I greeted them with fervor. The kiss gained passion, and Nick's tongue met my lips, asking for entrance. I complied, exploring his mouth agonizingly slowly. I felt Nick's hand slide gently up my back, and I shivered with pleasure. The kiss faded away, and we broke off with smiles. I cupped his face with both my hands, tears flowing freely down my face.

"I love you too Nick, more than words can describe. I guess I was just…scared." I admitted, looking away as feelings of humiliation came creeping back. It was only when I felt Nick's hand glide through my hair that I met his eye. He smiled, and I felt tears run down my face.

"I'm so sorry…Nick I've been so stupid…I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't really. I think I just…I didn't believe that something good could happen in my life. Something as good as you has never, ever happened to me before. So all I could think about was the disappointment I would feel when you told me we were nothing but friends…I just love you so much." I cried, and he held me close to him. I relished in the heat of his body; it made me feel needed, wanted, and loved.

"Sara, its okay…don't cry…I forgive you…" he whispered gently, and I nodded, taking my head off his shoulder to look him in the eye.

"Nick…" I murmured, stroking his face with my fingers, "I have to tell you something. It's a story about a little girl who lived an unfortunate childhood. A little girl, whose name was Sara."

-

Many tears later, I finished telling Nick about my childhood. Kayla was right, Nick had cried. But more than that…he still loved me. As I told him about the crash, about my mother, and being taken away from her, he whispered gently, telling me how much he loved me.

Telling me how he would always love me.

I closed my eyes and rested against him as I clung tightly to his neck. One of his arms ran across my back as his hand rested on my hip, the other settled on my neck as I snaked one arm around and through it. I smiled, knowing that it was almost impossible for him to be any closer.

"Oh Sara…why didn't you tell me this before?" he asked, and I didn't try to hold back the tear that slipped down my cheek.

"I…I don't know…I wasn't comfortable talking to anyone…I just wanted to block out my problems, and telling you them would only make it all too real…I'm so sorry. Please don't think I don't trust you Nick, I trust you with everything I am, and that's part of what scared me." I whimpered, still too accustomed of being scared that Nick wouldn't love me to not add a plea for forgiveness. He smiled down at me before capturing my lips in a slow, sensuous way.

"Sara…please don't think I'm going to hate you because of what's happened in your past…that's just not fair to you and me…" he pleaded, and I nodded, smiling my first real smile in a few hours. He smiled too, and I kissed him softly.

"Thank you Sara," he said after a little while of sitting in comfortable silence, "for having the courage to tell me. It means the world to me that you trust me enough to tell me your best kept secret."

I nodded. "Couldn't have picked someone better."

-

Getting out of the shower, I towel dried my hair and slipped on a tee and a pair of shorts. I brush out my hair and blow it dry before leaving the bathroom.

I smile at the sight that greets me. Nick is lying on my bed, fast asleep. I put down my dirty clothes and sit beside his sleeping form.

As I think back to earlier today, I can't help but awe at this man. I never knew that someone could be so loving and understanding, certainly not a man. But here he was, in love with me.

I smiled. In love with me.

I'm not sure what came over me right then, but I acted on an impulse. I lay down next to Nick, and I felt him wrap his arms around my waist. My back faced his front, and I turned to look at his face.

"You smell nice." He said without opening his eyes, and I laughed a little.

"Thank you. Goodnight." I said, turning back around and closing my eyes.

"I love you." He said as his arms tightened around my waist, pulling me closer.

"I love you too." I smiled, snuggling into him and feeling truly at peace for the first time in thirteen years.

-

A baby note –

Again, sorry if this sounded cheesy, I'm still only fifteen.

I love people who review, so help me out here!

Story wise, I'm thinking this baby's gonna be about seventeen chapters total. But we'll see how that goes.

The

Notorious

Cat


	12. Do You See What I See?

- Nick's Point Of View -

I watched Sara wake slowly; her eyes opened and her mouth formed into a smile. She turned to me, scooting herself even closer as she re-adjusted her head on the pillow we now shared.

"Good morning…" she yawned, and I smiled, caressing the small of her back.

"Morning." I said, kissing the top of her head gently. I was overcome by Sara and her newly revealed past; I didn't know what she was feeling about me, my sister, being in Texas…anything. She smiled, and shyly placed her hands on my upper chest. I smiled at her, and she brought her head under my chin, resting it parallel with her hands. I breathed in and out, and she picked up on my feelings.

"What's wrong?" she encouraged, waiting for my response as I searched for the right words.

"I was just thinking about you. About the kind of person you are." I said. She frowned and nestled into me.

"What kind of person am I?" she asked, and I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

"You're…you're absolutely amazing. I mean, you came down here without giving it a second thought, flying, which is in a league of its own, and you were around my family and fit in perfectly. Not even mentioning…" I started, taking a deep breath before continuing. I needed to mentally regroup my thoughts in order to tell her how I felt.

"…My sister was hurt in a car crash involving alcohol. I…I don't even know how to describe your bravery Sara; how you could just drop everything and throw aside your feelings just to be here for me? …I can't even believe you had enough courage to keep _living _after your brother's accident… I've never known anyone with as much courage as you." I said truthfully, and she took her head off my chest to look me in the eye. I took a hand off the small of her back, watching her shiver with pleasure as it slid upward over her body. It steadied as I rested it on her cheek, and I kissed her soundly on the lips. I loved Sara Sidle, and I _just needed her to know_. Something shot right through me as she kissed back, and she smiled against my lips. She backed away and I opened my eyes with a furrowed brow, awaiting her explanation.

"Nicky, I've been so stupid…" she whispered in earnest. I opened my mouth to speak, but she shook her head, needing to go on. "All this time I've waited for someone who didn't want me, someone who could never love me like you do. You ask about my bravery Nick, and in some aspects, you're right. But after dealing with multiple men who didn't care about me in the way I needed to be cared about, I couldn't risk loosing you, even if it was a farfetched chance. And now you're here…everything's changing…Suddenly my life means so much. I know you were worth whatever risks there have been before now Nick, and I know you're worth any risk we might encounter in the future."

-

A little while later, as Sara and I lay in bed, I felt the distinct sensation of two lips pressed against my neck. I opened my eyes, looking down at her.

"Hey buddy, don't look at me like that! I tried to stop myself, I seriously did, but you're a little bit irresistible." She smiled, blushing. I raised an eyebrow, a smirk crossing my face.

"Irresistible am I now?" I asked her seductively, and she nodded, her cheeks infusing with a deep shade of red. I pressed my lips to hers, letting some of the pent up crave I was having for her pour into the kiss. My fingers glided effortlessly up her sides, and she giggled into my mouth. I smiled, an idea popping into my head as I broke away.

I ran my fingers down her sides, and she bit her lip to try and stop the giggles from escaping. I grinned…she just looked so cute lying there and laughing. Again, I ran my hands down her sides, but this time, I stopped before her hips, squeezing and poking her sides. She erupted into a fit of giggles, her gap-toothed grin exposed as she laughed out loud.

"Nick! Please! Stop! Ah!" Sara managed between laughs. I smiled as I continued my assault. I loved being like this with her, so carefree and easygoing. I knew now that she had told me everything, that she had given me her darkest, deepest secret, things could only get better. A light shone in her eyes as I gingerly swept her into a fit of intense laughter. It was different then the light that had shone there before; this one was stronger, brighter, more confident.

Finally she caught both my wrists and I stopped, accepting my defeat. I hung my head in mock shame as she let out the last of her giggles. She sat up beside me.

"Nick Stokes you almost gave me a heart attack! I hope you're happy…" she commented as she rolled her eyes. I smiled, and she scooted close to me. I wrapped my arms around her waist, and she let her arms snake around my back. My thoughts drifted once again to the events of the previous night.

"Sara, what you said last night, about how I couldn't possibly love you, how we don't fit…Please don't say that again. We do fit. Look…" I said, tugging gently at one of her arms. She removed it from my back, and I took hold of it.

"Here," I said, holding our clasped hands in front of us, "perfect match."

-

- Sara's Point Of View -

I smiled and silently wondered if this was real. How could one human being be so incredible? Before I had the chance to tell him what I was feeling however, he went on.

"And at this instant, I know I've never seen a face more beautiful." he smiled, cupping my face. I felt my eyes tear up; there was still that part of me that felt disconnected and unworthy.

"Yes I suppose they do fit…" I murmured. Nick rested his forehead against mine, and he looked me straight in the eye.

"Sara, please…tell me what you feel." He pleaded, his head tilted to the side, his eyes soft. He kissed me tenderly, and I could almost feel his confusion. As he pulled away, I avoided his eye, thinking for a minute.

"I don't…I don't understand. How can you say that I'm pretty? After my past, after my childhood and after all those times I completely focused on men that I shouldn't have focused on, how can you love me? How is it that I'm beautiful? I ignored you all that time…I know who I am Nick, so please don't lie. I don't want you to tell me I'm beautiful if you don't truly believe it." I confess. I avoid his eye, knowing the truth…but not quite ready to face it. I couldn't…

"No…no…baby please…" he said, pulling me towards him. I sat sideways on his lap, clutching tightly to his right arm as he supported me. His right hand caressed my neck soothingly as I sat, any emotion frozen in the pit of my stomach.

"Sara…I couldn't care less about your past. It doesn't make a difference now! What about my past Sara? Being sexually abused is not something I'm proud of either, but you just have to work through it. I know it's hard at the beginning, I remember all too clearly. But when you have people who care about you to help, it makes it all worth it in the end. And I will love you for forever and a day if that's how long you'll stay with me. I just need you Sara, so please don't doubt me when I call you beautiful. That's what you are to me. Incredibly, drop dead gorgeous."

I sat on his lap, listening to his confession, the tears flowing freely down my face. I had never felt such intense, raw emotion in my life, and it was incredibly overpowering. If Nick hadn't been holding me, I knew I would have tipped over.

Finally, after a long moment, I looked back up into Nick's eyes. I cupped his face and said he first thing that came to mind.

"Forever and a day sounds good to me."

-

I sipped my coffee slowly, sitting outside on the porch watching the Texas morning roll lazily by. I thought about the conversation I had had with Nick this morning, and I smiled. We had both come to some realizations then. He had realized what and why I thought these bad things about myself. I on the other hand, learned about love.

I knew I had only doubted his true love for one reason. I had never felt it before.

As I felt the breeze blow my hair back, I stood, leaning against the railing, breathing in the mixed scent of fresh coffee and sweet morning dew. I felt a pair of gentle, loving arms wrap around my waist, and I smiled.

"Hey babe." Nick said, grinning as he stared down at me. I set my mug on the porch railing and leaned back against him. His arms slid up, settling beneath my breasts. This small affectionate gesture made me smile, and I looked back at him.

"Hey there." I said. I smiled as one of his thumbs gently traced the outer curve of my breast, shivering with delight at the pleasant, warm feeling he was sending coursing through my body. I closed my eyes in contentment, swaying with the wind and the gentle motion of his body.

"I love you." I said, hoping he could pick up on the true depth and meaning of those words. It held the straight out love that I was feeling, but it also held hints of an apology, of thankfulness, of understanding.

"I know. I love you too." He said, kissing the top of my head. I smiled, listening to his southern drawl whisper to me. I felt very calm and at peace, this sort of mist covering any bad thoughts and replacing them with Nick.

"Nick?" I called out softly, not bothering to open my eyes.

"Yes?" he answered, and from the way he sounded, I could tell he was feeling the same haze take over his system.

You are so perfect for me. I never bothered to open my eyes or take up the guts to see you and the future that you held for me, until now. But, I just keep thinking, what if I woke up tomorrow and none of this was true? What if this is just a fantasy?" I asked, and Nick's chest shook slowly as he chuckled.

He leaned over, kissing the tender spot behind my ear as he whispered.

"Well, if this is all a dream, when you wake and come to work just kiss me, 'cause this is my fantasy too."

-

Author's Usual Crap –

Ha. Okay so….um I hope you all didn't mind a little more drama there. I know sometimes it can be a bit overbearing, but I'm a sucker for writing the stuff.

Next chapter will be cute. Much more happy, much more of the type of chapter that leaves you smiling like an idiot after you read it for the sole reason that it was so damn cute.

Don't expect the chapter anytime soon for a couple of reasons. Ski trips, homework, and gotta take some time to see the horsey once in a while! (Just kidding, I love her to death)

Errr….so YEAH I guess that sums it about up!

Love –

The Atypical Notorious Cat

P.S. If you click that little button that says review, you might win a hundred dollars! DO IT!

(Disclaimer – you will not win a hundred dollars, or any sum of money for that matter. The writer is simply trying to encourage you to review by offering free money, which in actuality, does not exist.)

TNC - THE DISCLAIMER LIES! REVIEW!

(Disclaimer – I don't lie. There's no fricken money. Just make this poor soul happy and review!)

P.S.S – Now, if I went through all that trouble to make up a scenario JUST to persuade you to review, the least you could do was review!


	13. Priceless

I turned in Nick's arms, staring in awe at his comment.

"What can I say, Sara Sidle you are my ultimate fantasy." He said, staring at me with a grin. I smiled a fraction of an inch from that grin, taunting him as I pretended as if I was going to kiss him, only to pull away at the last moment. Finally, he cupped my face with both his hands.

"Come here, you…" he whispered, and he captured my lips with the greatest of passion. I kissed back, complying as his tongue asked for entry into my mouth. I felt his hands slide seductively down my back, finally fully cupping my butt. My hands ran up and down his chest a few times before slipping under his t-shirt to find bare skin. I trailed my nails across his finely sculpted stomach, and he groaned huskily. I smiled inwardly, pressing myself against him.

One of Nick's hands had come to fully cup one breast, and my thumbs trailed over Nick's pert nipples. I felt a distinct sensation in Nick's lower district, and felt my body go into overdrive. Nick reached down to cup my butt with both hands, and brazenly ground me against him. I groaned loudly, and he responded with equal fervor. While still holding me up with one hand, his other hand left my butt and slid sensuously up my shirt. Without removing my shirt, his hand continued upward before finally reaching my bra. As I felt him try to undo it, I shook my head no and pushed against his chest.

We broke apart breathing heavily. As his hand slid down my back, I started shaking. I wasn't used to feeling this sort of love, and my body wasn't sure what to do with the adrenaline and estrogen that was now shooting throughout my system. Nick felt me tremble and he pulled me close, letting his shaky, ragged breaths escape over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Sara…I shouldn't have gone so far…" he apologized, but I shook my head, relishing in the strength of his body.

"No, I'm sorry…I led you on…I'm just not really ready yet Nick…you aren't mad are you?" I asked, seriously afraid of what was going through his mind. I squeezed his neck tightly before he answered, silently conveying my feelings to him.

"Oh baby it's alright…I would never push you farther than what you were comfortable with…I'm glad you stopped me. If I hurt you, I could never live with myself." He said, and I grinned.

"Have I mentioned today how much I absolutely love you?"

He beamed at me as he dipped down for a sweet kiss.

"Once or twice."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A little while later, Nick and I got ready to go back to the hospital. I was excited to see Kayla; after all, she was the one who basically _shoved _Nick and I together.

Not that I was complaining…

I sat in the car, looking out the window as Nick's hand cupped my thigh. I placed a hand on top of his, and without looking, I knew he was smiling. I glanced shyly at him, and blushed furiously as our eyes met.

It was strange, being this way with Nick. He had been one of the best friends I had ever had for so long, and only in my heart of secret hearts would I admit to liking him. But now, here he was, here _we _were, so in love. It amazed me that he could love me for who I was, for everything that I was. He hadn't blamed me for not telling him the whole truth; he just simply accepted things as they came along. I took his hand from my thigh and gave it a hard squeeze, letting out some of the welled up emotions. He smiled over at me and squeezed back, giving me an affectionate look before returning his attention to the road.

I took a deep breath as Nick parked and jumped out of the truck. I got out too, and smiled as I saw him waiting for me. We walked along silently for a minute.

"Wait.." I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him into a hug. I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his manly smell. He always smelled so fresh, and I picked up on the little cowboy-kick that Texas was having on him. I just closed my eyes, savoring the fact that I could be with him like this.

"What was that for?" he asked as I pulled away, and I placed a soft kiss on his lips. I cupped his face and smiled.

"For being you, the man I love." I say truthfully, knowing the emotion is showing through on my face. He smiles and pulls me close again, breathing in and out.

"I love you so much Sara…I will never stop loving you…" he said, and I didn't doubt his words for a second.

"I know…I love you too. God I'm just stuck on you today aren't I?" I said, smiling in his arms as he laughed.

"Yea I guess y'are." He grinned, and motioned for us to continue walking.

We reached for each others hand at the exact same time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick's Point Of View -

Sara didn't let go of my hand as we made our way up to Kayla's room. She leaned her head on my shoulder as we rode the elevator. I could feel a mood coming over the two of us, and I smiled as I realized how different it from the first time we had ridden up this exact elevator.

I knew now why she despised hospitals, what sort of memories and emotions come flooding back to her, and I am reminded of the brave face she puts on for me. The mood now is lighter, not as filled with unspent emotion or secret feelings. Nothing was hidden.

We got off and made our way to Kayla's room, hands still fully entwined. Sara looked at me with a smile before opening the door. Kayla was sleeping, but my mother sat in the far corner reading a magazine. She smiled at us as we came in, and I watched her smile grow at the sight of our intertwined hands.

"Hey…How are you two lovebirds doing this fine morning?" She asked, a mischievous grin crossing her face. Sara's jaw dropped slightly as she glanced at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"We're pretty good, actually." She said, curling in to me. I was a little shocked; Sara had after all just completely given everything away without a second thought. I held her by the hip, and she let her head rest on my shoulder.

My mother smiled a smile that I have only seen on rare occasions, and I felt a sort of peace come over me, as if everything was alright.

"I was hoping you two would figure it out before you left. Kayla will be happy as well." She said calmly, but from the twinkle in her eye, I knew she was ecstatic. I winked at her, and she winked back. Sara glanced up at me and smiled, and I beamed at her.

"Speaking of Kayla, now that you all are here, I can go home." She smiled, nodding towards the door, "Not that I didn't want to be here, but there ain't nothin' like taking a shower in your own house."

I smiled. Mom knew Kayla would be excited we were together, so she must have picked up on how much she would appreciate time alone with us, and with Sara.

"Okay. We'll see you back home for dinner then?" I asked her, knowing the answer, but asking it aloud to give Sara an idea of tonight's events.

"Yes. I'll cook something up, though not sure what…" she said, frowning slightly. I smiled; leave it to my mother to obsess about the dinner that night.

"I'm sure whatever you make will be excellent." Said Sara, and I nodded my head in agreement.

"You got that right. No matter what this woman makes, it tastes like it's straight from Emeril, every time." I grinned, and Sara laughed.

My mother shot us both a smile and a wave as she opened the door and left.

Sara turned into me, my front flush against hers, and said, "I like your mom."

I smiled.

"So do I."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And hour later, Sara and I were about done fishing through our magazines, when I heard Kayla stir. I went and sat on her bed as Sara stayed where she was.

"Hey…" I said quietly as her eyes opened. She sat up slowly, wiping away the sleep from her eyes as she smiled.

"Hi Nicky, what's up?" she yawned and I pulled her gently into a hug. Sara smiled from across the room, and I winked at her.

"Not much…How are you?" I asked, that feeling of uneasiness about her wellness still lingering.

"I'm okay; as okay as one can be in this situation. How are-" she stopped, noticing Sara for the first time, "How are you two?"

I smiled at her before turning my gaze to the now approaching Sara. She quirked an eyebrow at me, and I opened my arms, gesturing for her to sit on my lap. She blushed before complying, and I snaked my arms around her waist as she sat.

Kayla raised a single eyebrow, but said nothing.

"We're fine…aren't we babe?" Sara asked turning to me. She surprised me a little, calling me a pet name, but I nodded in agreement. Inside however, I was jumping for joy; things just kept getting better for Sara and I.

Kayla just grinned.

"So he loves you." She said with a satisfied smirk, and I was taken aback. Kayla hadn't even asked the question, she had stated it. And she was addressing Sara.

I felt Sara lean back on me, and I smiled softly at her pink infused cheeks when our eyes met.

"You know Kayla, I think he does."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara's Point Of View -

I smiled broadly at Kayla, and as Nick's thumb caressed my stomach gently, I felt sincere contentment for the first time in a long, long time.

Nick poked me in the stomach, and I turned to look up at him. He kissed my lips softly, and those ever-present butterflies fluttered to life again in the pit of my stomach.

"You know I love you." Nick said as he looked into my eyes. I smiled affectionately and nodded, finally turning back to Kayla.

She was grinning, and I blushed.

"I'm glad everything worked out for you guys…" she said with a tilt of her head and a wink. I smiled in gratitude.

"Yeah, but I never would have had the courage…not without you Kayla….Thank you so much." I said sincerely, leaving the comfort of Nick's arms to give Kayla a hug. I closed my eyes and squeezed her tight, knowing that she would most likely be one of my best friends for life.

As the hug broke off, I looked at Kayla with a grin. She smiled and motioned for me to lean over.

"He cried didn't he?" she whispered in my ear. I pulled back and nodded. Kayla gave me a gentle smile, and I returned it.

It was then I felt Nick's arms wrap around my waist, and pull me close to him once more. I squeezed his hand, and he kissed the top of my head.

I was a little shocked as I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I averted my gaze from Kayla. So much emotion was running through me, I couldn't keep track of it all. Hell, I couldn't even tell someone why I wanted to cry now…I suppose it was a mixture of things. The tears could be of joy or of sadness. I felt overloaded by life, and a little scared by Nick. What if I was making the wrong choices about him? What if this was all a joke, what if our love didn't last?

My insecurities were getting the best of me, and I leaned back…into Nick. I took in a small breath and felt a smile tug at my lips as I realized the twist of fate this presented. It was obvious to me now.

Nick is my support. He is my friend, my ally, my number one fan. Nick is my home base, and I have to admit, it's nice to have one.

Especially a sexy one.

I shivered at this insight, and Nick's hands rubbed the sides of my arms. I reveled in his touch, closing my eyes as I rested my head under his chin.

Somehow, as I looked up at Nick, I knew that even though we were going to go through a lot, that I could picture myself with him for a long time. I could see us living together; having kids, taking trips down to Texas to see everyone…I could see myself with the family I never had. I smiled; I don't think anyone pictures that perfect of a life in Las Vegas. Oh well, Catherine's doing a good job of raising her family there…

Suddenly I laughed, and Nick looked at me with a grin.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about how Catherine's going to brag about knowing this would happen. Between us I mean."

Nick grinned, and I wondered if he truly knew how long I had hindered that crush for him.

"Yeah, but that initial look on her face will be priceless."


	14. Truly Magical, Truly Texas

Sara's Point Of View -

We stayed with Kayla for an hour or so, just talking leisurely and enjoying each other's company. She smiled, and somehow I just knew things were going to be okay for her. She'd get better, and I'd get better too. We were both healing, and there was definitely a broad, open horizon ready for the both of us.

A while later, we were about ready to take off and head home for dinner.

"You guys are leaving tomorrow, huh?" Kayla asked, and I gave her a sad smile.

"Yeah, but at two in the afternoon." Nick said.

"We'll definitely come see you before we leave." I added. Nick squeezed my sides as he stood, and I sat upright from where I had been leaning on him. I smiled as he hugged her. Their close relationship used to make me jealous and sad; thinking back to my own family and brother. But now, I realized, I had a family; several in fact.

"Okay." Kayla said as Nick released her, "I'll look forward to seeing you guys tomorrow." I lent down for a quick hug, and gave Kayla an extra tight squeeze.

"Okay. We'll see you later…" I said, offering her an easygoing smile as I felt Nick take my hand. I squeezed his hand and flicked my eyes to meet his for a second before returning my gaze to Kayla.

"Bye Kay, I love you." Nick said affectionately, and I smiled.

"Sleep well." I managed as Nick turned, pulling me out the door. She mouthed 'you too' and waggled her eyebrows at me. My jaw dropped, and the last thing I heard before the door closed was her giggling.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick's Point Of View -

Fifteen minutes later, Sara and I walked through the garage door. Kicking off our shoes, we walked into the kitchen to the smell of excellently cooked food.

I inhaled deeply, and my stomach growled loudly. Sara laughed, and I shrugged with a sheepish grin.

"Hey you two." My mother walked back into the room. Sara smiled, and walked towards her a little.

"Hi Mrs. Stokes." Sara said, grinning at me, "What did you decide on for dinner?"

"Ah, some classic Texas food, Sara. Nothing beats the grill, so I figured we could have steak and chicken, with some grilled vegetables. Everything's out there searing up now, in fact I was just about to go take the vegetables off." She said, walking towards the cupboards and taking out a plate.

"Here Ma, I can take care of that." Nick said, taking the plate from her and heading out to get them.

"Don't forget to turn the meat!" she yelled, and he nodded before disappearing onto the porch.

I turned back to Mrs. Stokes.

"Let me help set the table." I said, and she smiled.

"Thank you dear, Lord only knows I have enough cooking going on." I grinned and took the plates from the cupboard. I listened to things sizzle and cook as I set the table, sometimes interrupting the serene quiet to ask where things were. I set the glasses, and after pouring Mrs. Stokes some milk upon her request, and getting a Coke for myself, I poked my head out the sliding screen door and called to Nick.

"Hey Nicky!" I called and he turned and smiled at me.

"Yea?" he answered, and I walked out to where he stood. As I reached him, my hand slipped down and cupped his butt for a second, and my lips met his in a tempting, torturous kiss.

"You know," I said, standing very close to him with my fingers splayed across his chest, "I was gonna ask you something, but after seeing that cute ass of yours I can't remember what it was."

He grinned. "Really? Now you know what effect your ass has on me…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick's Point Of View -

"This is really great Mrs. Stokes!" Sara said after we had finally sat down to eat. Her feet were covering mine, and her toes playing across my feet every now and then were not doing much to assist the straight face I was trying to keep on my face.

"Hey!" I insisted, pretending to be hurt, "Where's my credit? _I _was the one who cooked everything…"

"Relax Nicholas, she's just putting credit where credit's deserved…" my mother commented, and the two women snickered. I rolled my eyes and simply gave up, knowing there was nothing to be won here.

"Geez Sar, you're eating so slow…You're loosing your edge. Usually you're a human garbage disposal." I teased as I leaned back in my chair with my hands behind my head, careful to keep my feet still under Sara's.

"Well maybe I'm just enjoying it!" she insisted, and I smiled. The fire had returned to her eyes; the roaring flame that lets every human being feel happiness was fully within the grasp of Sara Sidle.

"You're enjoying something? Now you've lost it…" I said, and she frowned at me, trying her best to look mad yet still coming up short.

Meanwhile, my mother was watching all this, and she cleared her throat.

"I can clean up here; why don't you take Sara for a walk Nicky?" she smiled, and from the hint in her voice I knew precisely where my mom thought I should take her. I stood up and stretched, and Sara looked up at me.

"Thanks Mom, that sounds like a great idea. Would you like to go Sara?" I asked, and she smiled at me before turning to my mother.

"I'd love to. Thank you for dinner Mrs. Stokes, everything was excellent."

"Of course dear, you're welcome any time. Now you two go off and have fun; be young while you still can." She said, shooing us off as we laughed. I put on tennis shoes and Sara slipped on a pair of sandals, and we walked out onto the porch.

"Sorry, my mom can be-" I started, but Sara silenced my ranting with a gentle kiss.

"Don't be. It's nice to know your mom cares about you so much." She whispered, and although I could hear the slight amount of regret she felt for her relationship with her own mother, I knew she meant what she said.

My forehead touched hers, and I looked into her eyes.

"Ready?" I asked quietly, and she grinned and nodded a little. I kissed her quickly on the lips before backing away and gently slipping my hand around hers.

"Then off we go."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara and I walked through the woods, up an old stone and dirt path that my siblings and I had each walked many times. Sara and I stopped many times for a quick kiss as we continued our ascent.

"Nicky, where are we going?" she asked, and I smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Someplace beautiful, someplace amazing. You'll love it, don't worry." I assured her, and she smiled.

"Okay…" she whispered, her voice trailing off as we fell into silence. We were fast approaching our destination, and it was a good thing I realized it. Sara was concentrating so hard on the path ahead of her, and seemed so lost in thought that she would've walked right on through.

"Hold on babe, we're here." I said, tugging gently on her hand.

Sara took a look around, and an awe-struck gasp overtook her features. She took a step back, right into me.

"Oh my God Nick…" she managed to whisper.

We were standing on a cliff, overlooking the river valley our ranch was near. An opening in the trees allowed us to see out as far as we wanted without getting too close to the edge, so when I was a kid we had hung a hammock up back here; it now swung lazily in the wind. I wrapped my arms around Sara from behind, and she grasped my forearms as her head rested on my shoulder.

"This is gorgeous…" she sighed, and I nodded.

"It's even more gorgeous from the hammock." I whispered lovingly in her ear, and I could feel her breath catch in her chest. Apparently she hadn't seen the hammock before, and I didn't know what she was thinking about lying in it with me.

"Nick, I…" she began as she turned in my arms, and I could see that fear and uncertainty pass through her eyes once again.

"Do you trust me?" I ask as our eyes locked, and she nodded as she answered.

"Of course."

"Then please, trust me right now." I asked, and she nodded, wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me close. I buried my face in her sweet smelling hair and kissed the tender spot behind her ear.

"Sara?" I called out gently.

"Hmm?"

"I love you." I told her, holding her closer. She kissed my neck gently, and I knew she understood how truly deep those feelings ran. I was shocked at my realizations over the past few days. I had never fully understood how pure love really was, but I knew now. I hadn't even experienced physical love with this woman, and yet I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I would give my life for her in a heartbeat, and suddenly, it occurred to me I couldn't picture a life without her. That's why I smiled when I heard what she had to say next.

"I love you too."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Okay, I know this was a little short, but somehow, I decided this was a great ending for this chapter.

And a side note about chapters - don't count on too too many more. Probably not exceeding seventeen.

I know exactly where I want to go with at least the next chapter and a little of sixteen, so count on an update in the next two or three weeks. I've got a play going on right now, so it's been pretty hectic.

Well, that's about all, tell me your thoughts/where you think this should go/whatever else.

OH, be sure to include your answer to the following question –

Q – On the TV show, do you think the recent closeness of Sara and Grissom and the fact that Sara has spilled everything to Grissom indicate the fact that she's way into him, or the fact that she's finally over him, ready to move on, and just looking to rebuild that friendship?

So is there friction, or friendship?

Will it sink or float?

Only time will tell, and please don't include any spoilers if you know the outcome. I'm much obliged.

Love From

The Incessantly Notorious Cat


	15. Uncontrollable

Author's Note –

Hey sorry for that long wait.

If you had forgotten where we were, let me remind you….

Nick and Sara had eaten dinner and taken a hike up the hill side to this awesomely beautiful little place where the view was amazing. Nick asks Sara to lie down on the hammock with him, and she gets a little 'iffy'. He reassures her and tells her he loves her. She hasn't answered yet, and the chapter ends.

So that's where we are! I hope you enjoy!

Nick held me tight, and I felt emotion well deep inside me. I loved him so much, so incredibly much that I felt…overpowered. I couldn't think straight when I tried to sort it out in my head; there was no solution, no correct measure of what I felt. Words weren't doing a great job of explaining it either. I don't know how I understood it, I just did.

For a moment, I held onto him firmly, and then I pulled away. Our eyes locked as his hand brushed stray hair out of my face, and I was overcome with a feeling of peace. The love and need I saw reflected in Nick's eyes were assuring me that I was right, that _this_ was right. I took Nick's hand and a sly smile crept up onto my face.

"Now about that hammock…" I inquired deviously, and a grin spread across his face. I led him over to it, and sat down, and he sat beside me. We both lay back, our legs hanging off as we lay sideways. Nick took my hand again, and I grinned.

"You want to get all the way on?" he asked me gently, and he allowed no trace of pressure into his voice. I nodded.

"Swing your legs around that way." He instructed, and I did what he told me. I picked up my head and lent back on my elbows in order to scoot up, and then set my head back down on…Nick's arm. Nick had wrapped his arm around me without me even knowing, and he was now caressing my arm gently. I leaned fully back on him, settling on his arm and letting our eyes connect. I turned my body toward his and put my head on his shoulder. He shifted to a more comfortable position and wrapped his arm around me, letting his hand rest on my hip.

I blushed and smiled shyly at our closeness; I could feel his breath on my cheek as I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I hugged him close, and let one arm cascade down is torso until my hand slipped up the front of his t-shirt. He half groaned, half cleared his throat as my fingers traced every rut and grove and trailed across the bare skin of his chest, and I giggled.

"You have no idea what you do to me Sidle." Was all he said and I curled closer to him, wanting to feel as if I was a part of him.

"I'd say I have a fair idea." I said, my eyes still closed and my lips formed into a smile. I could tell his eyes were closed too, and shivered when I felt his hand caress my side. His thumb even ventured to caress my breast; not in full, but pleasure still coursed through my body.

"Are you cold?" he asked, in reference to my shiver.

"Mmm mmm, I'm just the opposite…" I replied, not feeling like mustering the energy it required to form complete sentences. Nick just chuckled, and I sighed in contentment as I listened to his heart beat and his lungs fill and empty with air. We remained silent for a few minutes, just enjoying the sensuous feelings that were flying through our systems, leaving us in a dazed state.

"Hey Sara?" he called out, and I answered with a simple,

"Hmm?"

"I uhh…ummm…I jut wanted to say…." He tried, and I brought my hand gliding up his chest, propping myself up with it as I stared into his eyes. His hand stroked the small of my back lightly, and his eyes filled with that gentle, kindhearted glow.

His other hand came up to caress my face, his thumb sensuously tracing my cheek. I stared deep into his eyes, letting Nick surround my thoughts and engulf my senses.

"What Nick?" I asked gently, and he breathed in slowly before speaking.

"I just need you to know that I love you." He took a deep breath before continuing, "I mean, I know that everything must have been tough for you to decide to come on this trip, given the circumstances, and….well…thank you for coming. You've created something new in me, something I can't quite explain…I just know I've never been so happy in my life."

I smiled and blinked back a tear as he stroked my hair.

"And I know it's because of you, Sara."

Nick kissed the top of my head and I snuggled into his neck. I shook for a moment, overcome with emotion.

"Nicky…" I whispered, my hand caressing the other side of his neck as I remained nestled in to him.

"I feel the same way."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick's Point Of View -

About an hour later, after the sun had set and the evening light was all that remained, I whispered to Sara.

"We better get going babe." I murmured into her ear, rousing her from a light sleep.

"Mmmm..." She groaned in protest, and I chuckled.

"C'mon, before I tip you."

She plopped herself on my chest, lent her head against her arm. I caught her eye and smiled, and she smiled shyly back before leaning in for a kiss.

I grinned and slid my hands up her sides, holding her firmly above me. Our proximity was making my mind race with thoughts I shouldn't be thinking, and I cut off the kiss.

Sara looked down at me with her head tilted, confused, and I smiled sheepishly.

"I uh….well, lets just say I wanted to be able to walk home fairly comfortably." She giggled at this, and slid slowly off the hammock. I followed, walking to where she now stood.

"Ready?" I whispered, and she nodded. She reached for my hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze when she found it. I smiled to myself and kissed the side of her head before setting off towards home.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Ah!" Sara moaned quietly for the fifth time as we made our descent down the hill.

"Sara Sidle what is it?" I asked, getting annoyed since she wouldn't tell me the first four times I asked her.

"Oh it's nothing, I just….these sandals are giving me huge blisters…" she complained, putting a hand on my shoulder to steady herself as she felt her feet in the near darkness.

I thought for a minute, wondering whether or not to propose the idea, but in the end, I just asked, "Would you like a ride?"

Sara snickered, replying, "What type of ride we talking here, cowboy?"

"Well, for your information, I was only offering a piggyback ride; I don't come on to women _that_ obviously." I replied tartly. Sara blushed red at my suggestion, but slid her hands onto my shoulders as if to get onto my back and squeezed them.

"I know, I was just teasing." She said.

"Well, would you like one?" I whispered huskily, my hands coming to cup her butt from behind, "'Cause the offer still stands…"

Sara shrieked as my hands made contact, and jumped up onto my back. My hands slid under her knees, and I could feel her arms wrap around my neck. With everything situated, I set off.

As I walked along with Sara on my back, I wondered if she had any idea how much I was enjoying this. I could feel her warm breath swirl into my ear, her arms wrap firmly around my neck, her head on my shoulder, and no doubt the feel of her pressed tightly against me were all adding to the contentment and pleasure I was feeling right now.

Once we reached home, I walked up the hill to the stairs before dropping her to the ground. She laughed, embarrassed as she stood in front of me, and I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a firm hug.

"Thanks Nick…" she murmured into my shoulder, "for everything you did today…and everything you said…it means so much to me."

I nodded, still trying to let the pleasurable haze she constantly puts over me fade.

Finally, she took a step back, holding my hand firmly. I touched my lips to hers, and she responded. As the kiss broke and we walked up the stairs, I whispered quietly, "To my room?"

Sara's breath caught in her throat, and I could see her face instantly register with shock. "Nick I…I-"

"You can't decide how long we should sleep tonight because we have to get up, catch our flight, and still see Kayla? I was having the same problem, but I know if we get a lot of rest tonight, that we'll be okay." I reassured her, not wanting to directly approach the idea, but needing her to know that she was thinking the total wrong thing.

"Umm…yeah, yeah that was the problem." She grinned, squeezing my hand.

"I'll see you in a minute." she asked as we reached our rooms, and I nodded. I tightened my grip on her hand a second before I let go, turning into my room with a smile pasted on my face.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara's Point Of View -

Have I mentioned lately that that man amazes me? I couldn't imagine that I would _ever _be with someone this incredible, not even in my dreams. Yet here he was…

I walked over to my suit case and picked out a loose fitting tee shirt and a pair of women's boxers. I slid out of my pants and put on the boxers, rolling my eyes with a grin as I rolled them several times. I took off my shirt and my hands went to remove my bra when…I stopped. It wasn't that I didn't trust Nick, and I knew things weren't going _that_ far tonight, but I guess it would make me feel more comfortable if I kept it on. Well, not really comfortable…the bra was a little itchy, but I paid it no mind and slipped my fresh tee shirt over my head.

I walked over and looked in the mirror. Ugh, I sighed as I wiped off the remnants of my make-up with a damp cloth. I took one last look at myself, drew a deep breath, and walked over to Nick's room.

I knocked softly on his door and entered when he called out to me.

"You don't have to knock you know, you could just come right in." he teased after I had made my way over to him.

I blushed, getting embarrassed. "I didn't want to catch you at a bad moment or anything…" I said as I felt my cheeks get red.

"That's just what I was counting on…" he groaned as he came up and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned in for a kiss, and he responded fervently. He moaned as my hand skimmed along the waistband of his boxers, and I grinned.

"Sara…careful…" he moaned huskily between kisses, and I understood his warning. I slowly let the kiss fade; looking up at him slyly after the kiss was through.

"Damn…Sara you just…set me on fire…I…I don't know what to say…" he managed hoarsely, and I knew he spoke the truth; I could see the fire ablaze in his eyes. I smiled broadly before nestling myself in the crook of his neck.

"I say we go to bed." I responded, and realized the way those words sounded a minute after they left my mouth.

"Oh really, well why didn't you-" he started to say, and I could hear the evident teasing in his voice.

"To sleep Nick Stokes!" I insisted, pretending to grow angry. He laughed as he turned off the overhead light, flipping on a bedside lamp.

"I know, I know…" he chuckled, trailing a hand to the small of my back as I led the way towards the bed. I picked up the covers as I crawled on top, Nick right behind me. I slipped under as he did, and we both curled up to one another. I sighed in contentment and as Nick's hands slipped under the back of my shirt to caress bare skin, I felt sleep slowly making its way towards me.

"Sara?" Nick asked suddenly; quietly, but suddenly.

"Hmm?" I answered, and one of his hands came to the back of my bra and began to trace the outline of it.

"What is this?" he asked, and I almost laughed at the question.

"It's a bra."

He laughed and shook his head. "Why is it still on?"

I was confused by his question, and took it as a come on. "Uh…Nick…"

Again, he was laughing, and I started getting frustrated. "No…Sara, I meant, I didn't think they're usually worn to bed. Must be uncomfortable, eh? I'm just wondering why you didn't…well there's no unawkward way to say this…why didn't you take it off?"

I frowned and hugged him closer. I didn't know the proper way to go about explaining it…it all made sense in my head, but I felt that when I tried to explain it to Nick that it would come out as offensive and hurtful.

"Well…I umm…Nick I don't want you to be mad or anything but…I don't know I just thought I'd be more at ease with the situation, more relaxed. Even if I had a shirt on, I would feel really exposed and almost naked if I didn't have a bra on in front of someone. It makes me self conscious…" I tried to put it into words. Nick nodded his head in understanding, and I smiled, relieved he wasn't mad.

"So was I right? Is it uncomfortable?" he whispered into my ear.

"To tell you the truth, it's pretty itchy, a little painful. It strains my ribs…" I complain quietly, not wanting to sound like a baby.

"Sara," he said in a dead whisper; I could feel his warm breath against my ear as he spoke, "I want you to know you can trust me. I won't take advantage of it or you in any way, or peek or…or any thing you wouldn't like. And I definitely not take your shirt off." This evoked a giggle from me.

"I just want you to be more comfortable. I love you, and I would never put us in jeopardy like that over something so stupid and uncalled for." He finishes, and I know he's being completely sincere. I squeeze my arms around his neck and speak softly.

"Oh Nick I love you too…I don't know what I was thinking; I must not have been…"

"Would you like to take it off?" he asks gently, allowing no hint of pressure into his tone of voice.

"Yeah." I answered, and moved my hands up to unclasp it, but I felt Nick's hands come and cover my own.

"Can I?"

I meet his eye and stare deep into the pure love, affection, and adoration I know lies there. He smiles at me when I nod my head, and slowly, ever so tenderly, his hands start to slide up my back. I feel them reach the back of my bra, find the clasp, and undo it. Gingerly, each hand takes a clasp and pulls toward him. His hands came up to slide the straps off my shoulders and I slipped my arms out. I suck in a breath as he takes hold of it and tosses it to the floor at the foot of the bed.

Now, slowly, his head begins to move downward. I watch as he dips down to nuzzle my breasts through the fabric of my tee shirt. I gasp in delight, pleasure coursing through my system at this simple, yet electrifying gesture. His hands move from the sides under my arms to my chest, and I can't suppress the guttural groan that escapes my throat as each hands come to fully cup my breasts over the shirt. I let my hands rest on his head, willing his face back to where he can touch the burning hot points that are my nipples. He kisses each one and rubs his cheek against it before finally coming up to meet me once again. I crushed my body to his, letting him feel the growing firmness of those centers and coming to understand his growing arousal. I could feel his nipples, rigid and firm, and the hardness of an erection growing beneath me. I trailed my pert breasts across his chest and let the two centers touch, as I placed my nipples directly on top of his. His hands slid up my shirt and took my hot mounds into his hands, massaging and rolling them with his fingers.

Nick groaned loudly against my lips as he felt my hand slide south. The white hot heat he was sending coursing through me was making me daring and I continued on my quest. I reached the waistband of his pants, and he ardently assaulted my mouth, letting our tongues dance wildly together. Deciding not to go in there yet, I bypassed the waistband and crept slowly towards my destination. Nick whimpered; I could feel him throbbing hard beneath me and I knew he would explode any minute.

Finally, the palm of my hand touched his tip. He sucked in a breath and I smiled against his lips; the anticipation was killing him too. My fingers slid down his shaft, and such a hoarse, throaty, guttural moan emitted from him as I have never heard. Finally, I cupped him in full, letting two fingers cascade down and dip onto the rest of him as my thumb and palm wrapped gently around the bulge. I squeezed tenderly, careful not to overdo it despite the adrenaline and estrogen flying through me.

"Sara!" he screamed in a stifled yell, and I planted my lips on his to silence him. He kissed hungrily, passionately, full of want and need. I squeezed again, and he ripped his lips from mine to groan in pleasure. I stroked him gently, squeezing softly to ease the built up testosterone. He rolled over so he was on top of me and started to slip down my shorts.

"Nick…" I moaned into his ear, and he paused, but didn't remove his hands.

"Please Sara…let me take you…I need you…" he begged, starting to kiss my neck.

"No…I…I can't…I…" I tried, not understanding myself or what was happening.

"Yes…you can…Sara please…c'mon…" he growled, and I was taken aback. I was starting to get scared, and I tried to push him off me so that I could roll on top of him, but he refused to budge. I grunted as I pushed again, but he pushed back, and easily overpowered me.

"Nick, you're scaring me!" I yelled, and instantly, he snapped back into reality. There was an instant appearance of sorrow in his eyes; he knew he had screwed up, and big time. I tried to avoid his eye as I spoke

"Nick…please…I'm sorry…please get off me…" I whimpered, tears welling up in my eyes. Nick did as I asked, and rolled over. I climbed up over him and off the bed, tears falling silently from my eyes as I headed for the door.

"Sara…?" he called out softly and I turned to look at him. Instantly I knew that expression would be forever engrained in my memory. His lips were parted as his mouth hung open, the shock of what he'd just done finally registering. His brow furrowed but tilted upward, relaying the sadness and little hope for forgiveness he felt. His eyes had turned a misty grey and were something I'd never seen before…dead. No sign of emotion, like he didn't care about anything in the world except for the sin he had sinned against me, and it left him dead inside.

Before giving him a chance, I turned and walked out of the room.

Authors Note –

Hey, well, I hope you liked this. I know it was long in coming, but hey, I can't help it. 'Sides, makes you want it more…

I don't know if you thought the whole bra thing was cheesy, but I don't really care. If you do, that's alright. Besides, bet you don't mind what it led up to, eh? -

I know, I know, I went into a problem/bad thing between everyone's favorite N..S. Sorry, I bet you all are so sick of reading about bad things and just want stuff to go right!

Oh well….that sucks! Lol…

Also, sorry if Nick sort of came off as tricky/cunning just to 'get some' in this chapter. As I read over it, I realized it sort of sounds like that and I didn't want that at all. After he makes the speech to Sara about how he won't do anything if he takes her bra off so she says yes then he immediately initiates that whole mess…what can he say, he's a guy. He has to have some faults…

Update should be coming soon.

The Notorious-For-Making-Finally-Perfect-Love-Situations-Go-Wrong-…-AGAIN Cat


	16. Bordering On Self Destuction

A/N –

Okay so kill me. I know its been forever and I day since I updated, but I mean…come on, I have a life.

Sort of…

Lol anyway, I better recap what happened last chapter, just so everyone knows where we are here…

Sara had been reluctant to lay on the hammock with Nick, but she does. He admits his love to her…again….and she does the same. They get off after it gets dark and decide to go home. They're heading back down the hill and Nick gives Sara a piggy back ride. Once at the bottom, they decide they should sleep together…like literally sleep, and then the whole 'bra' scenario ensues; Nicky boy gets a little too feisty, and Sara freaks. She gets out of Nick's room in a jiffy, leaving both herself and Nick incredibly confused.

OKAY THEN.

Narrator's Point Of View -

Nick watched her leave, her retreating form slowly moving away, closing the door behind her. He flopped down on the bed from where he had formerly been propped up on his elbow, breathing hard. Why….why had he done that?

"aaaaAAAGGHHH!" he screamed, flipping over and slamming his fist into a pillow. Hatred flooded his emotions; hatred for himself. How could he be so stupid? Sara was innocent, fragile, and almost small. How could he be so rough and forceful with her?

Between the obvious lack of control he seemed to have over himself, and the way he had basically set them up for that scenario by initiating the act, Nick knew Sara probably thought of him as scheming, conniving, and manipulative; just trying to get her into bed. Those weren't his intentions at all; he truly loved her. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to believe she would ever fully trust him again.

"DAMNIT! DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!" he screamed at the top of his lungs into a pillow, punching the mattress again with all his might. Though the pillow significantly muffled the sound, he screamed with such force it sounded like a normal yell even through the pillow.

His face was damp; sweat and tears had moistened it. Nick knew Sara was most likely crying in the other room, and he knew he had caused it. This was tearing him up inside, ripping him to shreds as he tried to make sense of it all.

Nick had never felt this way before, and now he couldn't even explain it. He felt as though he had betrayed something he loved, insulted the thing he held dearest. For the first time in his life, he had screwed up enough that the one thing he loved the most in the world might never love him back again; whatever that feeling was called, however it was classified, that was how Nick felt.

He stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm down. He had to talk to Sara now; he knew if he gave her a night to dwell on what had happened, things would be so much worse. But his head was throbbing, and it wasn't the only thing; Nick's erection had turned painful from the lack of release, and he moaned into the pillow before flipping over again. His breathing was coming in ragged gasps, and he closed his eyes in an attempt to cool down every overworked system in his body.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara closed the door behind her before plunging onto the bed and burying herself in the sheets. She sobbed uncontrollably into the pillow and tried to sort out what had happened.

She was so stupid; the only person she had to blame for this was herself. She had allowed Nick to take off her bra, she had responded when he started to kiss her, she had only made it worse by touching him and leading him on to believe that she was ready for this when she wasn't

Sara hated herself. Why wasn't she ready? She wasn't a virgin, and she certainly wasn't inexperienced; why was she turning Nick away? He was most definitely the best, closest person she'd ever been in that situation with; she had known him for years, she loved him, and he loved her. She had shared her deepest darkest secret with him. Why should he be denied the thing she had given away almost easily before?

She heard his screams from the other room, and it only made the tears come harder. Her body was shaking; the intense range emotions she had felt in the past hour were taking their toll. Her throat hurt from sobbing, and the well of tears was finally beginning to run dry. Sara's emotions were spent; somehow, despite all that had happened in her life, she had never felt so incredibly empty. She curled up into the sheets, buried her head in her pillow, and closed her eyes as dry sobs overtook her body.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick's Point Of View -

I stared up at the ceiling, wondering what was running through Sara's mind. Glancing at the clock next to me, I realize it's been a half hour since I've seen Sara, and finally, I feel that I am calm enough to face up to her. I take a deep breath, stand up, and walk out into the hallway.

And suddenly, I'm scared. Okay, quite frankly, I'm scared _shitless._ Her closed door stands in front of me; the sole blockade that separates us. Intense alarms are going off in my brain, and they definitely aren't encouraging me.

But another voice rings out. One that I know stands for truth and love and all good things. It yells to me, easily overpowering the discouraging voice. This voice gives me the courage to open her door.

"Sara?" I call out almost silently, and no answer greets me. I try again, a little louder.

"Sara?" And yet again, no answer. Though the lights are off, I can see her huddled form buried in the blankets. She's ignoring me.

"Sara please…don't do this…I need to talk to you about what happened…" I try to explain, inching towards her. I was halfway across the room now, and her back is turned towards me; she still refuses to speak.

"No…please…talk to me…don't you dare shut me out Sara because…because…I need you…" I plead with her, and I can distinctly feel tears welling in my eyes. _She hates me, she hates me_...it's the only thing that is running through my mind. I'm still ten feet from her bed, and she refuses to turn over and look at me. Anger and hurt and desperation are the feelings that are running through me, and suddenly, I can't stand it any more; I walk over to her and sit on her bed. I begin to argue with her as I shake her shoulder.

"Hey, Sara, c'mon….stop it right-" I continue when suddenly….I stop. She's sleeping. A huge grin breaks out on my face as I realize she wasn't ignoring me, and she wasn't trying to make me leave, she has been asleep the entire time.

I reach out and touch her face with my fingertips, letting them linger for a moment until I stroke her face. Slowly, I scoot closer to her angelic looking form and let a tear fall as she slowly wakes.

"Oh…Nicky…you came back…" she sits up slowly with a grin, and quickly wraps her arms around my neck. I hold her close as we both just relish in the fact that we're once again in each others arms. She is crying lightly, and my heart breaks…again.

"Oh Sar I'm so sorry…I hurt you and I know it…I don't know what came over me. I was such a jerk and…and…" I feel my voice hitch with emotion, "I could've done something- well I might have already done something to break what we have. I don't know if I could live with myself if I hurt you…"

And with that, I fell apart. I started to cry, and suddenly, I couldn't support my own weight anymore, not to mention both my own and Sara's. I fell backward onto the bed, taking Sara with me.

Sara's Point Of View -

I fell with Nick onto the bed, and scooted up so that my head rested in the crook of his neck. As the tears fell from my eyes, I felt an overwhelming need to be close to him. I lay on top of him, feeling that lying beside him wouldn't truly relay what I was feeling. I squeezed him tight, and he held me close to him. I can only assume he's feeling the exact same things as I am.

I broke away for a minute to look into his face. I knew an intense amount of inner turmoil was flying through him right now; he wanted to respect my decision, but he also wanted me in a way that I wasn't offering myself. I had to do something.

I picked my head up enough so I could scoot up on his body. This motion caused a slight groan to emit from his throat, and I couldn't help but smile to myself. I propped myself up above his face with my elbows on either side of his head and locked my eyes with his.

And slowly, I started to kiss away the tear streaks that ran the length of his face. I gently kissed each small tear and let my tongue dart in and out onto his cheek before moving on to the next one. One of his arms wrapped around my waist, bringing my body crashing down against his.

When the tears ran out, I began to kiss around the border of his lips. He would try to flick his tongue to catch me, but I always managed to dodge at the right time. I giggled as I made my way around his mouth, and he whimpered. Finally, I allowed our lips to meet; first in succulent innocence, then onto a fiery, passionate kiss. He groaned in hunger, and I could feel him start to harden beneath me once again. He had completely cupped my butt by now, but I could feel his thumbs dipping into my waistband. I allowed this, and let my hands slip up his shirt.

"Nick…take me…just take me please…" I whispered huskily as he rolled on top of me now. He stopped and stared at me as I asked again.

"You want to Nick…I want you to…please…"

Nick's Point Of View -

Oh God.

I wanted to. So badly did I want to rip Sara's shorts off and just make love to her until she couldn't properly function. But…something was telling me….

No.

I couldn't do it.

I rolled over so that Sara was on top of me, and broke off from her kisses. She looked down at me, confused.

"Sara…I don't want to do this…not when I know that in your heart, you don't want to…I would feel like I was taking advantage of you…which I would be…so I just can't…" I said, avoiding her eye. I felt her hands come to cup my face, and she forced my eyes to meet hers.

"Nick…I…that…" she stumbled over her words as a tear slid down her cheek, "Nick that's the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm just scared because I feel like I need you so much, and I've been hurt so many times… I wanted to please you…so you wouldn't be unhappy with our relationship, and the do something that…I would regret and I'd like to think you would too…"

"Sara…" I whispered as I brought her head down to rest on my shoulder and rubbed her back, "Do you think I would leave you?"

She slowly nodded her head.

"No!" I whispered fiercely as I held her tightly against me, "Don't you dare think that! Ever! I would never leave you Sara, never. You mean so much more to me than anyone ever has, and I know that no matter what, I can never abandon that. So please, don't let that thought ever cross your mind again…"

She was crying lightly now, and I stroked her back and hushed her. Her body was lightly trembling, and I kissed her hair and breathed in deeply.

"Nick…" she said, breaking the silence and startling me, "I…I love you."

"I love you too." I replied, and she let out a watery chuckle.

"Stay with me?" she asked.

"Always." I said, and I hoped she picked up on the double meaning of my words.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, hope everyone enjoyed that…

See you in the next and possibly FINAL CHAPTER!

Notorious


	17. Happy Together

The feel of his thumb softly caressing my cheek woke me. I let my eyes remain closed as he brushed hair away from my eyes and face. While one arm held me close at the waist, his other hand settled at the back of my neck, pulling my upper body to his.

"Nick…" I whispered almost silently, and he took in a deep breath.

I could feel him against me, his hard chest pressed into mine as I molded against him. He kissed up and down my neck delicately; his lips touched my skin so lightly I assumed he thought maybe I would break. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation, the heavy feel of love in the room gently starting to lull me back to sleep. I rested my head on his shoulder, my forehead touching the side of his neck. My eyelids grew heavier as he rubbed my back, and I couldn't help but let out a contented sigh.

"Mmmm…" a slight moan was his thank you, and he breathed a gentle laugh. His lips connected with the side of my head, and I snuggled into his warm body. His fingers played unconsciously with my hair before settling on stroking it in no repetitive movement. I could feel myself inches away from falling back asleep when he whispered something into the darkness.

"You're so beautiful."

It was the first thing he had said to me since we had fallen asleep after our fight.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I was scared to open my eyes. I knew if I did, this fake euphoria that we had been pretending was reality would break, and I would have to face her, and face the truth of what I had done. I'm sure she thinks I'm…well, I don't know what she thinks but if its anything close to how much I hate myself at this moment, I'm screwed.

"Sara...baby wake up…" I whispered, nuzzling my face into her neck. She moaned softly, and the sound of it stirred the never dying arousal I felt when I was with her. She took my face in her hands as she awoke, and our eyes connected as her thumbs trailed across each cheek.

"I love it when you call me that. Baby, I mean." She said as she looked at me, staring deep into my eyes as she continued.

"It's every girls dream right? To find the man she loves more than anything in the world, and to have him want every one to know that he loves her back. So he calls her a pet name. But you…you call me baby. That's the most…loving one of all. I've never… I've never been anyone's…baby." At this last sentence she looked away, ashamed, as if she had over stepped a boundary. Her hands slid slowly off my face, but I caught them and pressed them, hard, into my upper chest. Her eyes strayed up my chest and locked onto our clasped hands, but she refused to look me in the eye.

"Sara…" I murmured, dipping down to capture her lips. At first she seemed unsure, but slowly and sweetly, she responded. I wiped away a stray tear that had rolled lazily down her cheek, and pulled her into my arms in a gentle, sweeping embrace.

"Sara I…I love you. I want the whole world to know that I am in love with you. When I call you baby, it's…God Sara it's so much more then a pet name! I…I can't describe it…it's like I'm actually calling you my baby. Someone I have to love, nurture and to take care of, when they are sick or well. Someone to feed, clothe, and assume the responsibility that I have their full trust, that they cannot survive without me. I can't survive without you Sara, and that's exactly why you…yes you…are my baby."

She broke down at this confession, and I held her tight. She cried for a long time, and I think I can be quite certain that these tears were not only from what I had just said. Little things and big things alike were pouring out in the form of salty droplets, and it was all I could do to rub her back and soothe her.

"I love you Sara. I always will. Don't ever think different, because I know that whatever happens, I'll never stop loving you." I said, my voice slowly declining to a whisper as I continued, "Feel this Sara? Do you understand where you are? It's where I always need you, right here in my arms…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We saw Kayla the next day. She was happy for us; we were happy together.

It was an emotional goodbye for all of us. I could tell very easily that Sara and my sister had bonded on a level I couldn't possibly understand, and I was happy; they were happy together.

Sara leaned especially close to me that day. She held my hand especially close, whispered especially soft, and she was happy; I was happy that we were together.

As I held Sara tight on the flight back home, watching her fluttering eyelids and her chest rise and fall in the midst of sleep, I thought back on all that had happened to us this trip.

Sara had been there when I had found out about Kayla and her accident. She initially comforted me and volunteered herself to go with me. She silently overcame her fear of flying for me. I told her the story about my mother's tee shirts; I took her to see the horses, the second fear she overcame for me. She met my family; she prepared me and comforted me before the first time I went to see my sister. She understood my pain and anguish, and she came to the hospital with me, the third fear she overcame for me.

This first time I held Sara's hand, the first time I felt her lips on mine, all these things happened in Texas. She bonded with my sisters and with Kayla. She told me her secret. The reason she is who she is is now known by me and my sister. I kiss the top of her head for this, a silent thank you for her opening up to me like she did.

She lay in the hammock with me, she forgave me when I forced her into something she didn't want, and she loved me throughout all this.

What more could I ask for?

Sara stirred in her sleep, and I tucked hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.

"I love you Nicky." She whispered, curling into my shoulder in a sleepy haze.

"And I love you Sar."

I smiled. We would be happy together.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

THE FINAL NOTE!

Okay okay, so kill me for being too lazy to write, and having the last chapter short as a fly's lifespan. I was going to just cut this chapter out however and just call chapter sixteen the finale, so be happy you got something.

Sorry the ending sucked. I didn't have passion for this story anymore, and I just wanted to finish it.

HOWEVER, for all you who now hate me because they wanted more, I have at LEAST one multi chap sequel in the works. I also have an idea for a one shot sequel even AFTER that.

Well, I'll see you guys around. Thanks for sticking with me on this one; I'll keep pumpin out the NS until they figure it out on the show.

Then I'll be so ecstatic I won't be able to write.

----- Notorious -----


End file.
